It was the rule in Victoria’s favourite etiquette bibles that afternoon tea should always be an exercise in finesse. “Define finesse,” she thought. The thought forced her to smile at the absurdity of the present setting. She had perfected the art of dodging the bombshells her mother lobbed at her with every conversation. This afternoon, she was breaking a decade of estrangement with a formal meeting, to introduce her husband. For ninety minutes, if she held it together, the finely tuned chaos machine that was her mother would not notice the cracks in this carefully constructed scene. Joining them was Victoria’s younger sister, Anica, and her three children, Matthew, Cleo, and Gina.

A pair of chefs were presenting an assortment of teas, finger sandwiches, savoury treats and sweets to the group on the low table in the living area of the suite. The chefs were instructed to wait within the mother’s line of sight. Their presence would encourage the mother to think before opening her mouth. Anica was quiet and so were her children, and this was their first time meeting their aunt. The whole thing was one ill-timed bathroom break away from becoming a struggle session. Tentatively, however, this afternoon’s Happy Family Tea was off to a promising start.

But the story had a twist.

At first, Victoria had organised this gathering to introduce her actual husband, Yoel. At afternoon tea, he would meet her mother, sister, nieces, and nephew during one curated visit to her home country. But the risk of contamination to the intimacy of their relationship was high. Any change in vocal pitch or inflection revealing a vulnerability would be exploited by Victoria’s mother. And so a decoy, a professional actor, was sitting next to Victoria on a sofa facing Anica and her children. Victoria’s mother was seated in the host’s chair to the right of the decoy. He was Victoria’s buffer. His handsome profile and expertly coloured ash blonde hair were appropriately distracting.

The decoy was a tall, medium-built man with a chiseled jaw, scruffy beard, freshly Botoxed forehead, and sharp green eyes that matched Yoel’s. To the untrained eye, he was him. He was handsome in a way that made him impossible to ignore, and that was exactly the point. Victoria’s real husband had already met other members of her family. But today, he was pacing anxiously in the suite across the hall, a safe distance away. Victoria knew her mother would try to extract life force from him. This was something she had done with every man Victoria had let into her presence.

“Wow, you’re so handsome,” the mother said, as if she had also rehearsed Victoria’s script for their interaction. Her voice was trilling with a sweetness that invited a compliment back. To Victoria, she could have said, “How are you? I’ve longed to see you.” But she turned to the decoy with a gaze that was far too appraising for comfort. He was prepared for that and held her gaze with a neutral regard.

“We are doing well, and we are happy you could make it,” he replied smoothly, as if she had asked. He invited the group to sit down. “We have a tight schedule but wanted to have a small reunion of sorts. And I’ve heard so much about you. Your daughter tells me that you ran a successful business here.”

Victoria fought the urge to roll her eyes by blinking very hard. She gestured for everyone to pile treats on their plates and then started pouring tea into the teacups. The flattery worked. The mother’s face brightened as if she’d been crowned Miss Universe.

“Oh, well,” the mother sighed. She was flicking a stray lock of hair from her face as she said, “It takes dedication, you know.”

Oh no, she’s bored already because the conversation is about business. Victoria pretended to choke and brought her teacup and saucer close to her chest. The teacup was empty but that was the decoy’s cue to pick up the pace. Light banter. Avoid topics that will challenge the mother to think. The decoy nodded attentively, giving the mother a smile that was just wide enough to show interest. “I admire that,” he said, his voice low and interested. “Tell me, what would you say is the key to success?”

The mother took a deep breath. “Growth is uncomfortable, but so is being broke.”

Victoria smiled at her niece, Gina. She recognised this tone of voice well, knew the way her mother would start painting herself as a victim of motherly duties. The decoy was clever and probably had little experience with airheads. Victoria actually choked as she tried to rescue him. She said, “The tablet,” and handed him a flat, rectangular box wrapped in ribbon. It had been tucked under a gift bag next to her on the sofa.

“Oh, right! You know,” the decoy said, struggling to adjust his tone, “I have a gift for you. Victoria tells me you’re an avid reader so I got you an ebook reader. On it is a large collection of newly published novels. They were collected over three months with you in mind. I took the liberty of curating this collection, I hope you like them. Should last a year if you read fast.”

The statement was meant to stoke her ego. The mother’s eyes lit up instantly, and she leaned forward to receive the gift.

“Oh, thank you,” she said, shaking her head in mock disbelief. Victoria had never received such an earnest statement of gratitude from her mother before. This was why she had the decoy do the presenting. “I used to read a lot of books when I was younger. I read a lot of Velvet Rose Press Romance novels.”

“It’s a lost art,” said the decoy, helpfully. He leaned towards the low table, smoothed clotted cream on a scone and hovered over the jam. He forgot the order and panicked a bit so Victoria fed him a bite of hers (jam goes first). The mother sat back in her chair, dazzled by the sleek looking device. The decoy maintained his focus, nodding and chewing carefully so he wouldn’t make another gaffe.

“It must be frustrating having a large collection of paper books,” he said softly, the words weighted just enough to keep the mother in her comfort zone. “I imagine it’s easier having a lot of fun books stored in a tablet.”

The mother, her ego now fully inflated, sipped on her tea and chewed approvingly on a finger sandwich stuffed with caviar and Swiss cheese.

Anica and her children talked to each other in hushed tones. They all knew who the main character was at this reunion. The decoy smiled politely, and gave up including Victoria’s sister, nephew and nieces in the conversation. Whenever he did, the mother would pipe up and snatch the topic for herself. Victoria discreetly checked the clock as side conversations continued between the children. The mother had the handsome man’s undivided attention.

“Of course,” the decoy said, “and I’d love to hear more about how you manage to keep your youthful aura.”

Finally the decoy remembers one question, but his timing is off. The mother’s smile widened as she began to answer, but Victoria’s mobile phone buzzed. There was a message on the screen: ‘Relaunch.’ It was the signal to wind down, sent from her real husband’s phone.

Victoria stood up, showing the decoy her phone screen as she did. Anica had already vaguely suggested that she enjoy a lie-down in one of the rooms, no doubt hoping to extract more opulence, some cash, pricey gifts, or job offers. But Victoria had planned for that.

“I’m so sorry, but there’s a matter we need to attend to. A business meeting we scheduled with a prospective investor has been moved up to an earlier time. We will have our driver take you back home,” she said, letting the practiced excuse roll off her tongue.

The decoy stood as well, with an air of formality. “It’s been such a pleasure speaking with you, truly. And before you go, I would like to present you with some gifts.” Victoria picked up the gift bag from the sofa and handed him a set of envelopes that were under it. They were stuffed with cash, totalling 1.3 million dollars in local currency. A larger set of envelopes came out of the gift bag, and these contained stock certificates. Following those were envelopes containing gift vouchers for a home decor store. The gifting ceremony closed with a short speech from the decoy.

The mother beamed at him, oblivious to the strategy at play. Victoria showed Anica and her children to the powder room. A few minutes later, she opened the main door of the suite to greet a short, well-built woman who had come to drive the guests home. The hand washing and pre-departure preening portion of the farewell ceremony took a total of twenty minutes. Halfway through, a frustrated Victoria invited the driver and the decoy to step into the hallway to wait for the group. ‘A meeting we scheduled’ is polite language for ‘Get out!’

Finally, the guests filed out into the hallway after the chefs handed each of them a takeaway box stuffed with pastry and packages of tea. They looked happy and satisfied as they waved goodbye at the elevator door. The decoy’s job was done, and a fragile peace would hold, but only for a while.