Tag: fiction

Categories
Earth Her Dark Arts

Denise

Martine
You called for a consult?

Paige
Thanks for coming in Dr. Russell. The patient is a female, mid- to late-forties, presenting with severe internal trauma after a traffic collision on Route 27 East. Her sternum was cracked open after she presented evidence of internal bleeding. Her aorta was torn just above the left ventricle.

Martine
How is she still alive?

Paige
We tentatively diagnosed her with antiphospholipid antibody syndrome. I’m waiting for test results. If yes, it may have been undiagnosed. In which case, the accident triggered catastrophic antiphospholipid syndrome.

Martine
A thrombotic storm.

Paige
Luckily for her, this caused her blood clotting factor to overreact at the trauma site. We were able to patch her up because her body did most of the work. We’re now worried that some clots might reach her brain, and undo all of this.

Martine
That’s what Dr. Fisher is here for.

Brooke
Yes, but there’s nothing I could do except apply blood thinners and hope they pass without incident. I am about to put her on full bypass and filter out any large clots from there.

Martine
Okay, so you guys have the thing under control.

Paige
That’s the thing, Dr. Russell. She was wearing this medallion when she was brought in from the accident site. Do you recognise it?

Martine
Yes, it’s the badge my father’s foundation gives to people who agree to submit to experimental heart surgery procedures in case of emergencies… Which is why I’m here.

Brooke
So, is there something you are empowered to do here?

Martine
Yes. My team has just finished testing a new three D printed bioceramic tube using fetal stem cells. Let me show it to you on my smartphone. Here. We fortified it with a positively charged copper ion coil to disinfect the patch site on an ongoing basis and to boost the immune system’s acceptance of the tubing.

Brooke
Obviously, you have no idea if it’ll work.

Martine
Obviously.

Paige
Dr. Fisher, please put the patient on bypass immediately, and in the meantime, Dr. Russell will prepare for the aorta patch with the new tubing. Nurse?

Hannah
Yes, doctor.

Paige
Can you tell Dr. Deza that we’re going through with the bypass and one other procedure and that she is to consult us for an update STAT?

Hannah
Yes, Ma’am.

Categories
fashion fiction men women

Cloud therapy

Lara
I feel so used, and just icky!!

Jupiter
What does that have to do with you?

Lara
I don’t understand.

Jupiter
What’s wrong with you.

Lara
Nothing. He flicked me away like I was something stuck to the bottom of his shoe. I’m out of ideas about how to prove myself to him.

Jupiter
What are you proving? Tissues.

Lara
Thanks. My value. My worth.

Jupiter
Alright. What if I said, objectively speaking, a man would be blind to not notice you?

Lara
That is my problem. I was rejected anyway.

Jupiter
Again. What’s wrong with you?

Lara
I’m the problem?

Jupiter
Yes, you are the problem. I would like you to take responsibility for the rejection you’re facing. Do not blame him. He is not wrong to be indifferent you.

Lara
This is hard. Isn’t he wrong to not acknowledge me as a sexual threat?

Jupiter
No.

Lara
I can’t do this right now.

Jupiter
Let’s work this out today. Let us work towards a consensus that you can lean on during the upcoming week. We will stamp it out in later sessions. Come on. Tell me what’s wrong with you.

Lara
I have jet black hair. It is really frizzy. Oh, God… I’m short. I’m … uhh… struggling to be at my ideal weight. I dress conservatively because of my job so I can’t look fuckable on a twenty four hour cycle!!!! I obsess about Karajan and I get a small panic attack if I have to pick things off the floor. I’m in my thirties. I have crooked teeth?

Jupiter
What does he want?

Lara
Blonde Kim Kardashian lookalike with blue eyes, spotless complexion that feels like marshmallow to the touch, early twenties with perfectly white teeth, D cup and a tiny waist. Her naturally blonde hair is very long, luscious, super soft and tossed dry, it’s perfection. She’s sweet, easily influenced, passive and not opinionated. She smokes, has a minimum wage job and dresses provocatively all day, every day. If I looked like that, he would be nice to me…

Jupiter
Leave him out of this.

Lara
I’m not effortlessly pretty. I work hard at looking like a woman. It’s time consuming, expensive and I need a team of friends to fix me. I overthink things, have too many hobbies and interests and I work hard to cultivate friendships. Being me is a full time job.

Jupiter
So you’re a short, fat, ugly nerd with a mind of your own and friends who look after you.

Lara
Yes.

Jupiter
Say it slowly.

Lara
I’m a short, fat, ugly nerd and I need friends who look after me.

Jupiter
Say it again. This time, take a deep breath and say it like it’s a compliment.

Lara
I’m a short, fat, ugly nerd and my friends are really nice to me.

Jupiter
Say it again. Transform into a vampire and stare me down.

Lara
I’m petite, I’m plain and I rock the androgynous look. I live in my head. I don’t have friends. I have minions. They worship and adore me.

Jupiter
Let’s put this last concept in our cloud. The concept that all this is part of your glorious being.

Lara
Okay. I hate that I’m not good enough…

Jupiter
Stop. It’s in our cloud. This upcoming week, voice record a journal. Make as many entries as you like. When you feel something, record it. Message all memos to me without editing. You will normcore it to work. Make minimum effort. Wear the same clothes every day if you like. Do not blow dry or iron your hair after a shampoo. Moisturising products only. Don’t wear makeup.

Lara
Alright.

Jupiter
Do not pay lip service to this. I need you to feel a freedom in being yourself. And you do that by embracing those things you say he’s rejected. You own them, you display them. Pay attention to your feelings and let’s get on this next session?

Lara
Thanks. I’m sorry, I just …

Categories
Earth Her Dark Arts

Section Two: Present Day

January 21 ‐ February 1

Fictional posts and art go above this sticky header. There may be some not safe for work material, so please be over the age of consent in your country. The contents of this blog may not be safe for work, and that’s the best thing about it.

The preface explains what I’m doing in this installation. Some of the characters have appeared in previous stories, and they include Jupiter, Lara, Marcus and Storm.

If you’ve landed here from outside of the WordPress box, you may want to look at previous art projects including the sticky ones below, or fiction scripts. If you press the like or follow button or leave a comment, please make sure that your website information is correct otherwise, I won’t be able to find your blog.

My heartfelt gratitude goes to readers for your warm support for Section One.

Categories
Ancient Past Earth Her Dark Arts

Si me deseas

Rol
¿Cómo estás?

Sol
Muy bien, gracias. ¿Y tú?

Rol
Ha pasado demasiado tiempo.

Sol
Sí, eso es cierto. Pero mi hijo tuvo fiebre. Mi esposa y yo teníamos que traerle al boticario.

Rol
Lo lamento. ¿Está bien, tu hijo, ahora?

Sol
Sí. Por favor no me mires así.

Rol
¿Cómo?

Sol
Como si estuvieras a punto de devorarme.

Rol
Deseo lamerte la cara. Lentamente. Y después, tengo ganas de tocarte profundamente.

Sol
Por favor, debemos preparar por el Consejo.

Rol
¿Me deseas? Déjame acariciarte.

Sol
Sí, te deseo, pero hoy, no puedo.

Rol
¿Qué pasó? El otro día estuvimos en la pasión del fuego.

Sol
Tú solamente tienes ganas de beber de mi sangre.

Rol
No, no, no.

Sol
¡No me mientas!

Rol
Por favor, mi amor. Pueden oírnos. Tú me dijiste que a tí …

Sol
¡Basta ya!

Rol
Bueno. Podemos discontinuar, pero hazme el favor de creer que te quiero. Ven acá. Voy a besarte. Te he esperado desesperadamente. Déjame meter la lengua en tu boca.

Sol
Rol, por favor…

Rol
Ven acá.

Categories
Ancient Past Earth health

Scorpia

Memphis
The Apothecary and Entomologia in cooperation with the Bank of Commerce present a definitive plan for controlling the lice problem, Highness. We believe it a most effective solution.

Cleo
Owwww! Hades!!!!!!

Neferati
That hurt you so. That’s the last of it. Let me add this spearmint and chamomile salve. Press down to stop the bleeding.

Cleo
The torture.

Neferati
There you are. Now put your knees down.

Cleo
What have you come up with, sirs?

Memphis
Scorpions.

Cleo
Venom? You’re not putting that on my skin. Use Nefe.

Ari
Highness, we present them and their insatiable appetite for lice.

Cleo
Hmmm. You want me to ask citizens to let scorpions run around in their homes?

Memphis
Highness. It is a means to an end. We present a solution if they help us.

Plymouth
Let me explain. We present a specially bred venomless scorpion. These scorpions will live in the homes of our citizens and eat their lice.

Memphis
It’s the Cardashian Cluster, Highness. They regularly visit from east Europa with beautifully woven rugs. The demand has never been higher, regardless of the infestation.

Cleo
Can’t we just ban their rugs? Persians make better quality products.

Ari
The merchants will never agree to it. The Cardashian rugs are affordable and aristocrats change their decor three times a year.

Plymouth
The market forces us, Highness.

Cleo
All right. I’m listening. Nefe, can you depilate my armpits while I’m distracted by these politicos?

Neferati
With pleasure.

Memphis
Highness, I present, “The Scorpion King.”

Cleo
It’s … big.

Memphis
This is a wax likeness. They’ll be this size so they can be tethered with hemp string and returned to cages after feeding. See the opening at the tail, there?

Cleo
How does this help …? Ahhhhh!!! Nefe, why?!!!! May I die now.

Neferati
Oops. Other arm.

Ari
We present “The Scorpia.” It’s a …

Memphis
Move around to her other side.

Ari
… a new tax system. Citizens will display this waxed Scorpia seal on their doors to certify they have lice free homes. Monthly inspections and renewal fees apply.

Plymouth
We believe the new system will foster good neighbourly relations and give birth to a new business elite.

Cleo
What do we need the money for?

Memphis
To purchase goodwill from Roman aristocrats and scholars, of course. They already say Alexandria has no control over parasites. We recently learned that knowledge of this unfortunate infestation has been added to the Roman curricula. Young aristocrats will grow up thinking we are a lice infested State.

Cleo
I like it and mostly because the pain from this regular waxing of my body hair is ageing me. Be dismissed.

Memphis, Ari and Plymouth
Highness.

Notes: In this story, Cleopatra is getting a beauty treatment while attending to matters of state. Image courtesy: The Smithsonian Magazine, “Rehabilitating Cleopatra.”

Categories
Ancient Past Earth Her Dark Arts

Ísland

Hinrik
What’s his name?

Stefán
I do not know sir. I do not know. He was there and not there.

Sverrir
My skin crawls.

Stefán
My bullocks are now nine-and-ten, sir. I had two score on the morning of the day he spoke. When his utterances were finished, my workman rushed in to say one bullock had died in the stable.

Sverrir
Vile youth!

Hallbjörn
Bring the salted haddock. More ale! These berries are frozen.

Luc
Úff!

Brog
Why don’t you ever duck?

Vilhjálmur
Where did he come from?

Stefán
He just was there. He was there. Like that.

Sverrir
Stop repeating yourself. Did you touch him?

Stefán
No.

Egill
You were asleep.

Stefán
No.

Hilmar
How do you know that? When I’m asleep, my wife is beautiful, soft and light. She comes to me with my mistress. And it certainly feels that way when I wake up.

Haraldur
Aye, aye! Skál!

Vilhjálmur, Haraldur, Hinrik
Skál!

Hilmar
And he specifically showed you these markings?

Sverrir
How do you know them? You are not a longshoreman. You have not steered a longboat. You’re a harvester. A farmer, a husband of cows.

Hallbjörn
This berry ale is not full with ferment. Bring me that leather flask.

Stefán
Well, I drew them, sir. He guided my hand.

Einar
How?

Stefán
I don’t know. My hand moved but it was not my hand. It was his hand.

Haraldur
So you touched him.

Stefán
No.

Einar
He touched you.

Stefán
Nei!

Vilhjálmur
We are not understanding you.

Sverrir
My Lord, this man is clearly frost frozen witless. He must not waste this council’s precious time.

Hallbjörn
Let every man have his say.

Stefán
Thank you, my Lord. He said I am to tell my Lord that the journey north is to be postponed until mid spring. There are fires all around, fired earth moving on the sea. We are to bury the longboats in the longhouses, take shelter in a settlement near the warm earth springs, where we keep seeds for the harvest. We are to stay away from these homes. Here. It is now, he said. Réttur nú. The water under the land will rise and warm us, there’ll be no need for inside fires.

Sverrir
Madness. How can that be?!!! The waters do not respond to the beck and call of men.

Hallbjörn
Perhaps this will settle the matter. Luc, Brog! Take him to his house and watch over him in turns. Make sure you bear witness to his friend’s return.

Stefán
I don’t know when he will return.

Sverrir
Halt your puerile muttering! We must have an affidavit. Do not squirm away from accounting for this council’s patience. Be off with you!

Hinrik
What was that sound?

Sverrir
It’s the table, you miserable goat.

Hilmar
The ground is shaking.

Sverrir
Do not give meaning to that low creature’s hysterical invention.

Hallbjörn
The shaking will stop momentarily.

Categories
Earth Her Dark Arts

Section One: Ancient Past

January 7 ‐ January 20

Events move backwards and forwards on a timeline in the ancient past. Read fictional scripts set in the Ancient Past in one continuous set. Comments on some posts have been turned off. These are intended to be read only. Thank you for your patience. Please have a look at the preface or teaser for an idea of what’s in store for the overall project. I appreciate your attention.

Update January 16 |+|
It has been nine days and I thank you for the warm support you’ve given so far to this installation. If you’ve landed here from somewhere, you can all previous art projects and fiction scripts in one continuous thread.

Categories
celebrity fiction women

Time to deflate

WW
This just came to me yesterday. CBS has a position open for GMA, and I want to go for it. So, I’m here to see if or rather, what I can use to make myself a shoo-in.

Krajeck
First of all, you need to be robust. How’s your health?

WW
I’m managing. I’m on a new healthful diet. At the moment, I’m going vegan for a month to do a health special for the show.

Krajeck
How’s it going so far?

WW
It’s a challenge, but I want to stick to it. It makes me need less medication because I don’t have the processed food toxins and preservatives in my body.

Krajeck
So when does it end?

WW
I’m on the last week, and I want to continue because I feel great.

Krajeck
The reason I asked is that definitely, the one month trial will go over well with the CBS executives. How did you document it?

WW
I have a video diary that I recorded with Glass. I thought that for the Google endorsement I would do something that people can relate to. Everyone eats, and most people are struggling with high blood pressure, diabetes and weight problems.

Krajeck
Excellent. Can you send us the raw footage? Instead of using your YouTube or Google Plus accounts, you will need to promote it through some of our other CBS connected clients: Chefs, journalists, and documentary filmmakers. We use their websites and social media feeds. The keywords are health, managing chronic illness, career and smart living. You will interview vegan chefs, nutritionists, endocrinologists and ordinary people going through the same issues. I can get one of them to make a film about you reporting on your experience. He is a genius. We bury Glass under the credits, so it’s not obvious you’re doing an endorsement.

WW
Okay. Alright, but I’m not sure that I have enough time to work on a documentary.

Krajeck
My people will do the interviews with the individuals I’ve mentioned. You’ll need to read the narration, which we can draft with you. We can green screen you into the interview sets later so it looks like you were there. Then, we can add snippets of you in a vegan cooking class, and in a candid group chat with some audience members who are vegan. Do it after your upcoming Monday show. We can write the advertisement copy for you.

WW
You think super fast! I’m just so relieved there’s a way to do this.

Krajeck
That’s why you’re here, isn’t it? We will need to take over your after-work life this week. You’ll need to postpone everything on your schedule that’s not strictly show related, and delegate everything but the essentials. We will invite some nutritionists to your home for lunch or dinner and shoot footage. We need new head shots of you.

WW
Okay. Are you thinking I’ll need to change my look?

Krajeck
In terms of fashion, you’re on cue. We don’t want you looking age appropriate. But we might want to tone down on a few things, so you’re more natural looking. A braided chignon, bring down your hemlines and heel heights a bit, maybe some ballet flats, leather and copper accessories over gold and silver. We’ll have to redefine your color palette and bring in a new team of stylists. Women stylists. Male stylists dress you the way they see women: As making too much of an effort. You need to dress the way women see themselves.

WW
I hear a … Okay. I can manage that.

Krajeck
A correspondent’s job is active. You’ll need to be robust, because there’s going to be a lot of literally walking around and talking to people of all ages, from all walks of life. They all need to be able to relate to you. If you look untouchable, that will destroy your chemistry with people.

WW
Alright.

Krajeck
You’ll have to reduce your cup size by half of what it is now. I’m sorry but those enormous boobs make you look stupid. They’re practically under your chin. You have to get rid of them. I see the expression on your face, but rather than tell you that, CBS will not even consider your application, or they will interview you and not give you the job. If you want to make yourself into an anchor, you’ll have to deflate.

WW
I know. You’re not inappropriate. It’s just strange hearing it from outside of my head. It’s why I was hesitant to apply.

Krajeck
Your clothes, hair and makeup are the very minimum.

WW
What do you mean?

Krajeck
Do you want to be a CBS anchorwoman?

WW
Let us say I do the reduction.

Krajeck
You would need to do it right away.

WW
There’s no guarantee I’ll get the job.

Krajeck
Let’s examine your motives, first of all. If you’re going for an anchor position for the money, it’s a bad idea.The sacrifices are too great.

WW
At this stage, for me, it’s the prestige. I get the feeling that a woman who is fifty something needs a more uplifting occupation than gossiping about Kardashian butt implants.

Krajeck
I agree, and I’m not a conservative. So you can just imagine your average CBS viewer. At an average age of 57, you’re in a room full of your peers. They’re not looking up to you. You’ll have to give up standup shows in Vegas. You could do stage plays, and we can play up your previous appearances for your presentation. You cannot be seen in a bikini or skimpy clothing, anywhere. Delete anything problematic from your phone and media libraries. As for what is online we will scrub data for you.

WW
Thank you.

Krajeck
You will have to commit to the changes even if you get turned down. It might be a test to see how committed you are to a new career. CBS likes to play head games. They’ll build up your rival to test viewer reaction or create buzz, drop them at the last minute and shoo you in. Instant ratings spike.

WW
Wouldn’t they do that to me, then?

Krajeck
Only if you don’t deflate. Then, you’d be cannon fodder. You could use it to boost ratings for your show, but if you don’t get the anchor position, you’ll be the “woman who didn’t get the CBS job.” That’s too risky. You’ve lived a charmed life so far, young lady. This is a new level of the game. That’s why you came to a professional matador to tire out the bull. So, do you want to be a CBS anchorwoman?

WW
Yes. I’m just…breast reduction is going to hurt!

Krajeck
You’ll be fine. You have access to the best medical professionals. You might have to commute to your show from hospital with a medical team in the week after the procedure. That means, you won’t see your family at home until you’re healed. I suggest spending next week preparing. Then, in the following taping three shows in a row on the Monday and Tuesday, and take the weekend off from Wednesday. Five days post op recovery. Your Monday show will be the vegan special.

WW
That’s a lot to take on. The risk of complications, infection, and adverse reaction to anaesthesia. And they might not hire me. This is scary.

Krajeck
Endless pain for boundless gain. Thereafter, life will be less baby back ribs and more boiled chicken. Literally. You cannot change your body size once you start the job. Whatever you’re doing now diet wise, you’ll have to stick to it. Audiences react negatively to weight fluctuations.

WW
Wow. I thought this was going to be a slice of pie. I was dead wrong.

Krajeck
You may never eat a slice of pie again.

Categories
fiction

She has it all

Shultz
Are you alright?

Kiki
I’m fine. Why wouldn’t I be.

Shultz
So, you’re not fine.

Kiki
Why do you let him talk to me like that?

Shultz
Ruby’s an asshole, pay no attention.

Kiki
Are you defending him? In case you haven’t noticed, I’m not part of your elite boys’ club. I have delicate sensibilities. I have an education, and a career. I’m respected.

Shultz
Sweetie…

Kiki
Don’t “sweetie” me! I’m a grown woman.

Shultz
Kiki… Cassandra….

Kiki
He’s a racist bastard and he only spoke to me that way because of the colour of my skin. He acts as if he’s your wife.

Shultz
No. He respects you.

Kiki
You Americans are so ignorant. You only value something if it looks like what you’re accustomed to: white, bald and red necked.

Shultz
That’s not fair.

Kiki
Isn’t that why you proposed to me five times? To get away from daft, plastic women? This is what your advisors are used to.

Shultz
Honey, we have to go ….

Kiki
Don’t call me “honey”. Do not cut me off when I’m expressing my displeasure with your callous…

Shultz
…to dinner with our friends.

Kiki
If he shows his face, and greets me with that pompous smirk, I promise I’ll make a scene. I’ll vomit into my plate.

Shultz
Cassandra? I promise you…

Kiki
We have been married, legally, twice. This is our third reception dinner, and we have not finalised the premarital agreement.

Shultz
That’s because your entire firm is wrangling with my team over grammar and spelling.

Kiki
You can’t have spelling mistakes in a legal contract. It’ll void the terms. My firm love and respect me, and this is their way of making sure I don’t get shafted by your team of wankers!

Shultz
Shafted? Shafted. I’ll give you everything I have!!!

Kiki
Was I dreaming this entire relationship? I had the undeniable impression that what we had was real. The things we shared, I’ve never felt like this about anyone. Are you pretending to be in love with me?

Shultz
No! Cassandra, that’s below the belt.

Kiki
Personally, I find the term “coitus” highly inappropriate for a contract. You Americans have no sense of decorum. This is not humane. Dictating the terms of our lovemaking to officers of the court. How is that supposed to make me feel about sleeping with you?

Shultz
We’ll take that out.

Kiki
You’re laughing at me. I’m confused and scared. You’re not trying to reassure me. Instead, you’re having such fun.

Shultz
I am because that’s just business.

Kiki
Say that to me one more time, and I will …

Shultz
What? Not show up to dinner? Fine.

Kiki
Fine! And tell that deliciously hideous twag Mr. Rubinstein, Esquire, to go frag himself.

Shultz
Cassandra. Please let’s leave this to the lawyers and enjoy a night out with friends. Please? I’ll stay in if you want, and we can fight it out here for the rest of the night. But you and I know that you just want to rip my clothes off and have your way with me.

Kiki
You’re impossible.

Shultz
Alright. Can we please go out now, and later you can have your way with me?

Kiki
Am I laughing? Do you see a smile on my face?

Shultz
Alright.

Kiki
Rubinstein. Ball sack. Hill. Billy.

Shultz
I’m sorry.

Kiki
Racist twag. I’m a human rights lawyer, and a woman of colour. I can sue the small creatures crawling around in the crack of his arse, and Her Majesty’s Government would find in my favour.

Shultz
He’s fired. I’m sorry. Baby … Cassandra, I’m an asshole. An insensitive disconnected asshole. I don’t see things from your point of view. I should pay more attention. I’m sorry, and he’s gone.

Kiki
I am so annoyed with you right now.

Shultz
I know, but you love me, right? I love you.

Kiki
Don’t even start with that.

Shultz
Can I give you a kiss? Make up?

Kiki
Go away.

Categories
celebrity fiction

They want to love you but they’re just too cynical

Storm
All I’m saying is, we need to earn our bonuses this year. Can you believe my brain belched that out after spilling the Kraken’s Mortlach on your iPad?

Marcus
Do you think he’ll notice?

Storm
Do you think he’ll care? I mean, our boss move will cement us as the witch doctors of public relations. Here, I think I spilled some on you.

Marcus
I don’t think it’s…

Krajeck
Girls? What’s up. .

Storm
We have a presentation for the Raven account that, if it meets your approval, we should jump on right now.

Krajeck
Speak.

Storm
Marcus wants to pitch first.

Marcus
Thank you, Storm. Raven has needed a new win after that VH1 documentary flopped.

Krajeck
Right. Everyone wants to out-Madonna Madonna. I told her not to do it, but she insisted on having a what?

Storm
An important part of her brand to archive in the history books.

Krajeck
I’ve never met someone so engrossed in their own myth. We kept the VH1 flop out of the press and edited it out of Wikipedia. What? Did you hear she’s shopping for a new publicist?

Marcus
No, Sir. And as for her tour, camera phones took images of empty seats at several concert venues. The rumours about her husband cheating had already come out. So, she might be listening to other people and not just us.

Krajeck
Hmmm. She’s a brand, or whatever. Everything is someone else’s fault. How are perfume sales?

Storm
We bought up this season’s batch right out of the factory in Macau at wholesale price. Her holding company should be reporting a large sales volume.

Krajeck
Where did you dump this batch?

Storm
We gave a bottle to every C list stylist and fashion blogger we could find. Then, we let Chinese customs confiscate the rest. We contacted department stores to tell them there’s a wait list for new product. The rest should pop up on eBay.

Krajeck
Marcus?

Marcus
Thank you. As I was saying. We need to orchestrate a win that has no threat of backfiring negatively. Storm and I came up with a plan to use the firm’s entertainment industry connections in India. We want to do what we’ll call an “unconventional album release.” No marketing, no leaks, no pre-release interviews. We say it’s the fans that made the venture successful.

Krajeck
We bought all of her 13.7 Twitter followers and she’s only tweeted eight times. How can we get an album released in stealth if she hasn’t tweeted since 2013?

Storm
We want to  lock down the largest call centre in Mumbai, JavaStar, and our army of Twitter sock puppets. First, we create a pre-order sales listing for the album. We do not actually upload the album. The call centre workers will use IP proxy software to make purchases from various locations, including the United States.

Krajeck
That’s super expensive. Can’t we buy the album at a huge discount? Like the Samsung deal?

Marcus
Yes, but her image is sustained on this aura of greatness and glory. She can’t maintain that aura by doing things in the conventional way. As for money, it doesn’t matter what the pre-order sales price is. It could be one cent.

Storm
We release the album for pre-order quietly tonight on iTunes at a basement price. JavaStar buys up as many copies as possible before five tomorrow morning, our time. When everyone wakes up, history has been made. Another top-selling album has been born. Number one is what people expect from Raven, but this time, we give them number one with a twist.

Krajeck
Her management team might go for that.

Storm
There are only three people in the world who know about this. We are standing here in this room.

Krajeck
I see your point but someone will notice the basement price tomorrow morning, and one screen grab later, it’s game over.

Marcus
Not if we restore the price to $13.59 by five in the morning. Since there is no album to download, customers will get error messages. It creates confusion, increases demand, and adds to the “we can’t download it fast enough” storyline. Also, we don’t sell individual songs. It’s the whole album at one go. That will generate complaints, which will also feed the story. If someone catches the low price, we pretend it was an iTunes malfunction, but it’ll probably get lost in the noise.

Storm
As I’ve said, we’re not going to need the actual album. We need the album cover art and permission to upload it for sale as a pre-order. Her people don’t ever need to know what we’re up to. She’ll stay with us.

Marcus
For our plan to be found out, someone would have to know the album’s being released tomorrow and then search for the name.

Krajeck
Apple won’t go for it.

Marcus
Actually, they have to go for it. Their contract does not stipulate any minimum or maximum price points. So, we can name any price we want, and change it when we want to. The price change affects her commission only. That’s for her record company to worry about.

Krajeck
How many sales are you aiming for?

Storm
We want to try and do two hundred thousand downloads in four hours. The call centre rents by the hour, and they’ve given us a “four hours for $50,000” deal. In terms of the way iTunes calculates “success” of a release, that many downloads in four hours would be phenomenal. We need a detailed protocol and everyone has to stick to it. It will push the album to number one. The iTunes report would be enough to distract everyone from the failed tour.

Krajeck
So, two hundred thousand downloads at one cent, each. We could use the retainer account to pay for it, but we still have to create one hundred thousand unique iTunes accounts. Factoring in the cost of each gift card, rental space for the call centre and your Twitter people. Great idea, but too much of a bother to execute.

Storm
Not necessarily. And that’s why no one will even think of it.

Krajeck
Walk me through it, one more time.

Marcus
Again, the call centre workers in Mumbai buy up as many of the albums as they can in a short space of time. At 4.55 our time, we tweet about the official release from Raven’s Twitter account. We let the bots retweet to other celebrity Twitter bot accounts to create visibility. At that point, we suspend the buying spree and restore the album pre-release price to the original $13.59. Then we wait for the press to bite.

Krajeck
Are we using the Romanians again?

Storm
Yes. They can make the tweets appear to be globally distributed. We could request that Twitter send those statistics around to the music blogs.

Krajeck
Can we afford three million retweets?

Marcus
Yes, we pay them per hundred thousand tweets anyway, so it’s like thirty units. Costs are minimal. The last time, they told me they install trojans on computers or game consoles as far away as Southeast Asia. So, that’s how I know the retweets are doable in our timeline. While the retweets are happening in Asia, people are at school or at work and won’t notice. When it’s time to start the retweeting in the US, people are at school or at work, well after our sales drive finished in Mumbai. We move backwards from the International Date Line, to mitigate the time discrepancies.

Krajeck
I see. So it looks like the release tweet was done at five in the morning to take advantage of the time lag and get people in Asia to buy her album first. Then, we Americans pick up on it on the same day and that will drive up sales. If this works to raise the legitimate sales and no-one twigs, we do a super download to drive up domestic sales at the end of the year.

Storm
That’s a great idea, since iTunes reports album sales numbers only.

Krajeck
Marcus, I want a complete, step by step technical explanation from your team in Mumbai so I can understand exactly how this stuff works. If something can go wrong, I need to see it beforehand.

Marcus
I’ll get on it right away.

Storm
Sir.