Category: Earth

Categories
Earth health People technology women

Kin Plaa Kaeng: School nutrition project in Thailand

Love eating fish: A rural school in Thailand prepares for a project

Intro
Happy Thanksgiving, to readers who are celebrating. To mark this special occasion, I would like to highlight the work of my wonder twin, Isreyah Pradabvate. She is an early childhood educator, entrepreneur, former United Nations UNESCAP volunteer translator. She works full-time in a leading Japanese entity in Thailand. In this post, I pay tribute to artists and activists like her who give their time and talent towards making the world a better place for future generations. So proud of you, my sister.

The pond is flourishing

Project details
Hello everyone, my name is Isreyah Pradabvate. I am an early childhood educator, entrepreneur, former United Nations UNESCAP volunteer translator and an NFT creator with a full time job in a leading Japanese entity in Thailand.

“Kin Plaa Kaeng” (in Thai this means “Love Eating Fish”) is a project initiated by the co-founder of a startup where I used to work. His name is Krit Sangvichien, and he works with me, as well as with Kansuda Koompairoj, who is the project president and community leader.

Children enjoying protein-rich meals

Love eating fish
Kin Plaa Kaeng has one objective: To turn small schools in rural Thailand into self-sustaining food producing locations. Because of depopulation and a centralization of economy that circulate only in big cities. Small schools are being shut down. Imagine what will happen to those children in affected areas?

Also, children consume insufficient amount of protein in their daily life. Due to many social issues which I would love to avoid getting into it. Protein is the most important nutrition that we need. We are made from Protein. Our brain, heart, muscles, body consume protein as their food.

Pond with water

Reason
Unfortunately, good or alternative protein in Thailand is as expensive as in the United States. Balance that with the fact that people here are still facing unemployment due to the pandemic and even before. As a result, they can not earn enough to provide to their family. So how could they afford healthy meals for themselves and their children?

The school

In some areas, children are able to only have streamed rice with fish sauce. Schools here have provided lunches but with a small budget, some people take advantage of the funds distributed so the meals never reach the children themselves.   

Solution
We came up with the idea of building a fish pond. We wanted to turn every poor school into self-sustaining food providers with at least one pond per school. We want parents and the community to be sure that they don’t need to worry about making a bigger income to provide good meals for their children. Some children do not even have breakfast because their can not afford material to prepare for them.

Sureenibha Noppakloa (L) with Isreyah Pradabvate (R)

Outcome
We have built one pond for Champanuang School in Srisaket Province in Thailand. Crowdfunding is done via this site linked here. We would love to build another pond for this school. And we want to build at least one pond for every school because they told us that they were really happy with the outcome.

Project leaders in Thailand

We want the children have delicious fish to eat and fill up their tummies. In the morning, some children will go to school, knowing that they will have free good food to eat. For the sake of a better world, let us work to raise the quality of life of these children.

Project cofounders Krit Sangvicien and Isreyah Pradabvate

Outro
Thank you for reading this presentation. It takes Isreyah 10 hours by train to travel to the Champanuang School in order to oversee this project. And she wants to build more ponds in more schools. Amazing that she gives so much of her time to helping others, and I am hoping that you will be inspired to continue doing good work in your own communities. Until I hear from you, be good.

Categories
art Earth entrepreneurs men

Street Spirit: Photographer Sreeranj Sreedhar

Janma Ashtami Festival

Best wishes for All Souls’ Day, everyone, and welcome to a special photography showcase. In this post, I will introduce award-winning photographer, Street Spirit, Sreeranj Sreedhar. We became acquainted during a space (Twitter Spaces) and enjoyed some pleasant conversations. Then, after I asked 3D artists to hang out here, one of Sreeranj’s followers told me I had to create a feature here for him. I knew he was an esteemed photographer, so I sent him a message and held my breath.

Holi Festival is featured in Color Splash, an NFT listed on Foundation

I was relieved when he agreed to be featured. And then, we took our time and worked out the details. One of the things they never teach you about social audio is that a good host needs situational awareness. Social spaces tend to flatten hierarchies. Which means that if you are present, you are equal to everyone. But your authority as a host is defined by your ability to pick out the jewels from among the crowd. And you do that by listening.

Janma Ashtami Festival

Reading the atmosphere surrounding people is important because some of the most special ones have humble spirits. This skill will bring opportunities to meet and learn from the best and brightest. This was how I came to know about Sreeranj. He has a gift for capturing the colorful sights of his hometown, Kerala, India.

Aranmula Snake Boat Race

For the past three years, Sreeranj has worked as a full-time photographer. During this time, he has documented the culture and traditions in his hometown. Before that, for twenty-eight years, he held a corporate position in Dubai.

Departing Souls: Cattle Market

Sreeranj became interested in photography in 2011, when he became fascinated by unusual moments of daily life, including festivals all over the world. He has attended masterclasses by Magnum Photos and other respected photographers in order to fine-tune his skills.

Aranmula Snake Boat Race

He now gives photo tours in addition to hosting workshops and being a mentor for aspiring photographers. If you are interested, you can register for them via his website. He is the administrator and curator for various photography groups from India and Dubai. Sreeranj is one of the eight members of the Indian street photography group, ‘In-Street Collective’.

Guruvayoor Edatharikathu Kavu Talapoli

Presently, he is working to document all the major festivals and cultural events of Kerala. He wants to help promote some of the dying art forms in the region as well as to encourage artists to continue celebrating them. Through his activism, he hopes to encourage people to engage in responsible tourism.

Outtake from Puli Kali (Dance of Tigers)

His photography has been exhibited all over the world. In print, he has been published in National Geographic, NatGeo Traveller India, Lonely Planet Traveler Magazine, Digital Photo Magazine USA and Wanderlust Travel Magazine UK, among others. He has also received many photography awards in this short span of time. His portfolio can also be seen at his website, sreeranj.com, where you can purchase photos. On socials, you can follow him on Twitter and Instagram.

Notes: Today is Tuesday, November 2, All Souls’ Day, and this post is dedicated to the late father of our guest. Sreeranj lost his father right after agreeing to be introduced to you here, and because of that, he was not able to connect with me until this past weekend. To readers who have lost loved ones in recent years, this post is also dedicated to you.

Categories
Earth People technology

Photography’s hottest stars are on Twitter

Happy Sunday to you all. After Wednesday’s wonderful post, I thought it would be great to follow up today with astrophotography. What else are you going to do on a Sunday night besides look up at the sky?

As usual, when you view, please remember to visit each account and leave some feedback for the talented photographers. We have lots of tweets to view, so sit back and scroll.

Amit, Exploring Night Sky, is on Twitter. By day, he is a software developer. His work as an astrophotographer has won him awards. He is based in New Zealand, and he says that his photography of the night sky has helped him overcome the fear of darkness. This is why he enjoys bringing the night sky to you. He is dedicated to his art, and in Guiding Light, his patience won out after eight hours of driving and eight hundred steps to the top of a lighthouse. After a long wait, the dark clouds cleared, and you can see what his camera lens picked up.

Adrien Mauduit is an engineer, author, aurora guide, professional night sky photographer and cinematographer. He is mostly specialising in time lapse images. This collection features some of his most innovative astrolapse work, which is also the first such photography work to be minted on the ethereum blockchain.

Ross is an astrophotographer from the UK and he uses photographs to inspire people to get outdoors and see the beauty in the heavens above. His favourite image is one of the Andromeda Galaxy, but I am going to showcase this video of the Orion images he has worked on. Ross did a lot to help organise this showcase, and he did so by spreading the word among his colleagues and friends. Thank you, Ross.

Mustafa Aydin, from Turkey, is a superstar on Twitter. Shield your eyes before looking at his spectacular follower count. He is adored on Twitter, and I will tell you why. He takes amazing photographs and he has a great personality. He regularly drops into conversations by replying to my tweets, and he was kind enough to join in this showcase today. Mustafa is interested in deep space astrophotography as well as widefield and Milky Way astrophotography. He loves the endless learning curve and we love the goosebumps we get from looking at his work.

Josh is a sixteen-year-old New Zealander, and he is part of the Twitter astrophotography community. During the day, he explores our beautiful planet, and at night, the stunning night sky above. You can see some of his beautiful work on his Twitter profile.

Tom is also from New Zealand, and he is the same age as Josh. Isn’t it heartwarming to see young people so enamoured by our planet, our solar system, and this expansive universe? Tom is well-loved wherever he goes, and it is always a joy to chat with him in Twitter Spaces. He reminds us that his work is based around creating a connection between earth, people and the universe. His passion for art and the stars has been there ever since he was very young. Like him, I am happy he discovered this amazing hobby.

In his own words, “My work is based around creating a connection between earth, people and the universe: to bring it to those who can’t access it due to the sad reality of light pollution within our cities. I try to spark a sense of curiosity for the night sky through my images, as I believe it can teach us valuable perspectives on how we live our lives, the world around us, and who we are as people. My appreciation for art and the stars has been there from a young age, first inspired by the Hubble space telescopes incredible images. I am so happy to have found something that I’m passionate about and to have others supporting me with it!”

Diego Juaregui is from Argentina and he is an amateur astrophotographer. He likes the feeling of being alone in a faraway place watching the stars and thinking about infinity. It is a comforting feeling.

Marcel Strelow is a landscape photographer from Munich, Germany. He has been into nightscapes forever and fell in love with deep sky photography during the last lockdown in winter.

Mark Coull is from Scotland and is relatively new to astrophotography. He is learning incredibly quickly. His fast progress might be due to his eye for detail, which he refined as a multimedia designer. He loves to learn and is here to teach. We are glad he is. Our galaxy has a beautiful palette, and you can find more of it on Mark’s timeline.

Yusuf Qureshi is a UK astrophotographer now based in New Zealand. He says that the skies out there feel so special. And under the shining stars, he feels at peace as he is pointing his camera lens up towards them. Let us join him outside soon.

From Switzerland, we have Marco Kern, a landscape photographer who is passionate about stargazing. He loves the silence of the night when he can be alone under the stars.

And here comes Willard Sharp, stormchaser from Madrid, Iowa. It was wonderful meeting an American astrophotographer, as my time zone puts me closer to Europe, Asia and Oceania. In this image, you can see the rig he set up in his backyard. Then look below to see an example of what he captured. That is a truly spectacular view.

In India, we have Ubik, a photographer and filmmaker who has been documenting life in photos for the past 12 years. He enjoys running around on sleepless nights to get a glimpse of the night sky. And then, he takes it all in on camera. He finds the process meditative and we love that about his work.

Ronan Hunt is from rainy Ireland, and we are happy he is able to capture beautiful images for us to enjoy. If you want to make friends with Ronan, his Discord server is linked on his Twitter bio. Feel free to follow him or add him to your list of favourite photographers so you can keep up with his amazing work.

Our other American friend comes to us from New Jersey. His handle name is Desclafani Photography and he loves to share his knowledge of photography with his followers. Visit his profile and follow him. He is always ready to share his process.

Lee and Brenda Amber are a family of photographers based in California. They have a fascinating story, and if you want to learn more, please join them in Twitter Spaces. As a family, they love the magic of capturing a moment with a camera. They enjoy sharing images that show what they saw and how they felt.

Across the ocean, in the UK, we meet Sajjad, who is based in London. He traveled back to Pakistan to take photos of the night sky here. From his rooftop, he took some of the Helix Nebula, NGC 729, a planetary nebula located in Aquarius. Below that, you can see the image he captured of the North American Nebula, NGC 7000.

Give a warm welcome to Thai photographer, Notto. I am happy when I see his work in my timeline. And not only is he a member of one of the most wonderful communities of artists on Twitter, but his work there is also admired by photographers everywhere. Visit his profile, follow him, and enjoy his wonderful work.

We round out the presentation with Jack, a New Zealander who is actively involved in the NFT community. He was the first person to respond to my call for submissions and I am so glad he did because his work is stunning. Or is it, “Stella”?

I think we have covered most of the planet, and I am proud to be colleagues with these talented artists. Each of the astrophotographers featured creates non fungible tokens from their photography work. They are also active members of the NFT community and we wish them all the best. Thank you for viewing this gallery.

Categories
Ancient Past creative writing Earth fiction women writing

ˌɪmɔːˈtælɪti dʌŋ mɑːsk

Summary
ˈhɜːkjʊliːz kliːnz ði ɔːˈʤi(ː)ən ˈsteɪblz baɪ fɜːst ˈgɛtɪŋ ˈfɑːməz frɒm ɔːl ˈəʊvə griːs tuː klɪər aʊt ðə kaʊ dʌŋ. ˈɑːftə ˈwɜːkɪŋ ɒn ə fjuː ˈprɒdʌkt aɪˈdɪəz wɪð tuː ˈmɑːkɪtɪŋ kənˈsʌltənts, hiː ɪˈvɛnʧəli dɪˈsaɪdz tuː bɜːn daʊn ðə ˈsteɪblz. 

After the last of the farmers’ carts had left, Heracles summoned Themis to thank her. She had told him what to say to convince every farmer in Greece to use immortal bovine dung to improve soil quality and guarantee bountiful yields, even in times of drought. The best part? The dung was free, as long as they scooped it out of the stables themselves.

Kisshoutennyo, one of Lakshmi’s cousins, was visiting with Themis. She appeared when Heracles said he still had a decade’s worth of dung to clear out. She offered a solution. “Let’s do a night cream called, ‘Kissho Immortality Dung Mask.’”

“Who the $#!+ will use face cream made of $#!+?” asked a bewildered Heracles.

“Everyone,” replied Kisshoutennyo, not quite understanding what the problem was. “Ten minutes of this is going to snatch your face.”

“Are you seeing my office, though?” whined Heracles.

“Relax,” said Kisshoutennyo, “because I will help. But give me a second … Be right back.”

While they waited, Themis suggested mixing extra virgin olive oil (lamp fuel) and immortal bovine colostrum into the dung. These ingredients would prevent the cream from drying out. Two days later, the churning was turning into a new labour, and Heracles was not happy. They were well past the deadline and they had no packaging ready.

“I should have thought of packaging first,” Themis said. Then she got an idea. “Do you realise that we can use this mixture to make soap? No packaging necessary.”

“How?” asked Heracles.

“We have colostrum, which has water; olive oil, which is fat; and dung has lots of salt.”

Heracles’ eyes glazed over. He was, after all, just a guy with muscles who did stuff.

“We need a cauldron and some fire,” continued Themis.

Pointing to an urn containing lamp fuel, Heracles suggested, “Like, why don’t we use that and burn all the $#!+ in here?”

“That works better,” agreed Themis. By now, the noxious gasses in the stables were making her loopy. In spite of this, she put the cows out to pasture, and Heracles set the stables ablaze.

And as they chuckled to themselves, Kisshoutennyo appeared.

“Oooh, you’re done already?” she exclaimed. “You’re so hardworking.”

Themis glowered at her friend, flaring her nostrils. This prompted Heracles to stand between them.

Categories
art Earth

Wood Love

An open sack of charcoal; the opening is in the shape of a heart
Charcoal Heart

strips of wood, interlaced
Stripes

Captured in a forest reserve. The torches below were for our evening bonfire. The chopped wood for the bonfire is shown in the second to last photo.

In other news, I managed to make curry, over a coal fire, for ten hungry colleagues. No idea what I was doing and there was lots of improvising. So, it felt like an episode of MacGyver. The ingredients (curry powder, streaky bacon, potatoes, carrots and onions) were already prepped by the research facility that hosted us. Everyone was nervous about the potatoes but I Gordon Ramsayed them and they came out just right.

Torches for a campfire on the ground
Torches

Logs on a log shelf processed in black and white
Shelved

wood for a fire, in an iron grill
Wood Burn

Thank you for viewing.

Categories
Earth fiction Her Dark Arts Mars men women

End of Installation

Thank you all so much for your kind attention and support. This post marks the end of the fiction as art as fiction installation, Earth, Mars and Her Dark Arts. I’ve prepared an afterword as a standalone page. Please read Aftermath if you can make the time and I’d be very happy to have your comments.

All posts that flow between this and the marker posts, excluding non fiction asides, are part of this installation. Thank you for your warm support.

When I started putting this together in early December, 2014, I was thrilled and scared at the same time. Would anyone read it, much less stay around for three months? As I’ve said in Aftermath, your attention was the light obliterating the gloom on a dark world. Thank you so much.

The risk of putting myself out there and banking on your trust was worth it thanks to your repeat visits, your courage, your patience, your kind words of encouragement, your belief, questions, comments and gestures of appreciation. All have meant a great deal.

See you all, again, soonest. The stampede starts up again in a day or so; not to be missed.

Love and caramel hugs,
SB

Categories
Earth Mars

End of Section Three

This post marks the end of section three. Thanks to all of you, the Martians are happily making their way home.

I am grateful for your enthusiastic support in this section. Your engagement with the story was moving. I added an Easter Egg because it’s the season and every adventure story needs a sort of romantic ending, doesn’t it? Thank you for reading.

Warm regards and cinnamon love,
font

Categories
Earth Mars

Not Safe For Work (Warning! Explicit language)

Lilibeth
Penelope Slutfest Hannish, OPP, BDSM, BJ, HJ… Where is she? You are not a cow on a farm in the English countryside, so why are you mating with all the bulls?

Peas
I beg your pardon! How did you access this network?

Lilibeth
Where is the boy? Don’t worry about resetting your system. An army of tech mercenaries owns your network. I told them of the rich data mining opportunities on your servers and you have their undivided attention. Because I’m kind, you will get three minutes to tell me where you’re keeping the little Martian boy, or they will turn off the power and jam open your outer doors. I will watch with pleasure as you and your tag team freeze to death in that …

Peas
You do not know what you’re talking …

Lilibeth
I read your blog. According to this post, a mystery team rescued an extraterrestrial from a crashed ship and has him sedated and stashed somewhere ready for transport. According to these juicy emails, the “cargo” is stuck there until the end of October, when a crew from JAXA and ESA will come for him. My team traced the breadcrumbs you left on Mob Gnarley’s website back to you at these coordinates. You accessed your account and updated a post two minutes ago. We know that because we have been watching your every move for the past two hours. And let me say, you English hootchies are freaky.

Peas
The blog is fiction.

Lilibeth
I do not believe that. Gnarley plagiarised you for his radio show and as he is trending on Twitter right now, it’s only a matter of time before your bosses catch on that you’ve been telling tales out of school. But that’s only the start of your problems.

Peas
This is ridiculous. I have nothi…

Lilibeth
Sit down! You’re a mechanical engineer, which means you don’t have the imagination for storytelling. However, your attention to technical detail makes you give great head. I need to set up playdates to get laid in Manhattan and you’re getting tag teamed in a cave in Antarctica by men who have families? Is slutfesting part of your contract? And don’t tell me you’ve used protection. I’ve seen you.

Peas
You’re going to kill me over some nonsense I wrote on a secret blog to pass the time? Or because you envy my content rich sex life?

Lilibeth
Call my bluff, you establishmentarian, government goon, triple penetration, ass cream guzzling, whorebag slut!

Peas
Look, I can be in a lot of trouble just for even talking to you. I signed confidentiality contracts.

St Lucas
Do you recognise me?

Peas
What…?

St Lucas
A Martian boy is lost here on this planet and his father is right now in orbit, waiting for me to tell them where to pick him up. It took him a year to get here. You better hope he’s alive.

Peas
I can’t help you. I don’t have any authority.

Lilibeth
You know where he is. The fuck with your job. Where is your humanity?

Peas
This is not my fight.

Lilibeth
You’re willing to precipitate a Martian invasion because you’re too up yourself to see the big picture.

St Lucas
All you need to do, to make this all go away, is point me and them in the right direction.

Lilibeth
Tell you what. Let me give the go ahead and open the doors. Split screen… It is negative thirty Celsius outside at the moment. Bitch, you see that? That is your five hundred thousand dollar, state of the art, icebreaker, slash snow plough, slash snow blower…it’s full of fuel and is now reversing at full speed towards your door. Wait for it… Wait for it…

 

Peas
Shit!!

Lilibeth
She scores! Let your bukkake boyfriends pick that up. I’ve just… sent a message with your exact coordinates to his father and his grey warriors. They’re something fierce and the third. And they are coming to have a talk with you. The door is wide open, so they’ll walk right in and terminate your funk ass.

Peas
What the… Oh my … my … arrrrr…. head feels weird… Urrr… Ruuuu….

IMG 2

Lilibeth
Siemus, can you see that metallic stuff sticking to the walls? I think they’re there already. That was fast.

Siemus
They might have already been in the area. Why’s she suspended in mid air? And her eyes are moving really fast, like a skipped CD or something.

Lilibeth
It’s the metal in her suit. I’m guessing they’re focusing a really strong laser or magnet on her coordinates. If her rapid eye movement is anything to go by, they are using something like a eleventh generation FMRI to search her visual cortex.

Siemus
You think they can physically retrieve information on his whereabouts, from her brain?

St Lucas
You can stop feeling guilty about your talent, Lilibeth. I think your tech is generations more advanced that what the Martians are using.

Lilibeth
That’s a scary thought. For my sex life. I need to make a call to finalise the last leg of this trip. I want to collect some trophies…ah, I meant…to do a thorough cleanup before the JAXA and ESA assholes get there.

TCMIV
Right.

Lilibeth
Siemus, stay on the bitch. What am I saying? Her brain’s magnetically fried forever, so she’s not going anywhere. I meant, signal me as soon as you have on screen confirmation of their arrival.

~-~

+**~

Images

  1. Halley VI: The World’s First Modular Research Station in Antarctica. Hugh Broughton Architects.
  2. Davis after a blizzard. Snow covering the exterior wall of the Living Quarters. Courtesy, Antarctica, Australia Government. May 30, 2014.
  3. Snow vehicles for Antarctic Observation via Ohara Corp Japan.
  4. Reconstructed images from FMRI brain scan of the visual cortex, from research by Shinji Nishimoto, University of California, Berkeley

 

Categories
Earth Mars

Manitoba

[ Translated ]

Di
[ Downloading dictionaries. ]

Ti
[ Are we using the child’s translation protocol. ]

Di
[ Yes. It should let us read what they are saying off our visors. We might not be able to communicate over voice protocols. ]

Ei
[ Mission command: Upload a voice protocol patch sooner than at once. Code override through external speakers in our breathing masks. ]

Chris
What’s up? Are you guys on location? Is that a glider? It’s fracking awesome!

Kim
Are those the Mars Elect Turbo ski masks Junya Watanabe designed for Comme Des Garçons? I love. I want. I need. Did you know, Junya spoke his design idea to an AI that was created for him by British Aeorspace? The AI did all of the layouts in three dimensional holograms.

Chris
I had no idea. But, those look like a tight fit. Are yours customised? I mean, that should cost you a fortune already.

Kim
Can we take photos with you for my Instagram? My friends are not going to believe this.

Chris
Where are you guys from?

Kim
Thanks… Wait…. One more….

Di
Mars. Sector Five Gorant A…. Quadrant A.

Chris
Cool. I’ve always wanted to visit Norway. Especially for the winter sports.

Kim
Yeah. Winters get so lonely out here in Manitoba, Christopher. Let’s both get in the shot.

Chris
You guys lost?

Di
Yes. We lost this.

Kim
That’s … What is that? Is it … Aren’t you guys shooting that movie? Lam..Lamba.. Lamda Six.

Ti
We do not shoot. We are Scout Team Delta.

Chris
Location scouts, cool.

Ei
Have you seen this object.

Chris
I haven’t, but we could drive around in my snowmobile. It’s a converted VW bug… it’s … safe. I don’t know if you can all fit.

Ei
Do you know the area well “Manitoba, Christopher.”

Chris
Yeah. I …we grew up here.

Kim
You guys all sound like Siri. That’s weird.

Chris
Who’da thunk it? The male voice was modelled after a Norwegian.

Ti
We have no currency. If you help us search the sector, we will give you our ground scout vehicle. As payment.

Kim
Awesome. But you don’t need to do that, eh. We’re cool with Instagram photos.

Chris
Yeah. Welcome to Canada. We’ll help you look. Come on. Get in.

Ei
Let us make two teams. Christopher. Ground. … Glide … Gliders …

Chris
I get to glide on that?!! Fracking awesome!!! What’s this?

Ti
It is called a Frame Loaded Z Axis Gravitational Compensator.

Chris
A what now?

Ti
Synonym… magnet… It is a “fracking awesome!!!” magnet. Strap it on your wrist, directly on the skin. It will prevent you separating from the glider.

Chris
See ya!

Kim
I’m Kim. Where do I go?

Ei
Kim. Air. Commode.

Kim
You mean stay here? I’m good. But you guys can go ahead if you like… Where’s your commode?

Di
You are standing in front of it.

Kim
I don’t think you guys should go to the bathroom out here. Not at these temperatures. You guys should know that, being from Norway.

Di
Kim is not wearing a visor. Perhaps deactivate the sensory disruptors.

Kim
Holyshitthatsnotacommode!!!

Ei
[ Resonance imaging is detecting acute restriction of blood flow to the cerebrum. Showing serosecretions from these mirrored organs here ].

Di
[ He might not be properly insulated from the cold. Help me carry him. He’ll warm up indoors. ]

Ei
[ On count of three, two, one … ]

Ei and Di
[ Lift! ]

Categories
Earth

Join the Revolution

Shultz
Does life on Mars matter more than the lives of our children here on Earth?
As we launch ourselves on yet another mission doomed to fail,
let us think about what matters most and act, now.
Join the Revolution.

Narrator
That was a public service announcement sponsored by
Proctor and Gamble and the Darfur Children’s Initiative.
Support your local charities and donate now.
Visit www dot Gamble for Darfur dot com.

Nurse G
The Shultz-Bajani marriage still has the world divided.

Hannah
And yet, he’s so hot when he’s saving African babies.

Nurse I
You think they’ll adopt a Darfurian?

Nurse G
Adopt or buy.

Nurse I
Good point. … There, I’ve donated the equivalent of a sandwich and five seconds of my time.

Hannah
How’s the diet?

Nurse I
Not eating bread is stressful, but my ass is … Check out my Instagram.

Nurse G
Wow. Tell me what you don’t eat. Wait, what’s that?

Nurse I
It’s an interactive game to promote a new movie from my favourite boyfriend, husband and lover, Luke St James. You find a place on the planet and stare at it through Google Earth in hopes of finding a large spaceship that crashed here from Mars. The Martian boy is supposed to be nearby, so we have to follow the clues and try to track where he’s been taken or where he went if he left the ship. I hear it took three years to construct a life sized ship, and then they damaged it so it looks like a real wreck. It could be buried in quicksand for all we know.

Hannah
It’s gone viral over the last eight hours. There are three apps for it, already. There’s one that lets you take selfies with aliens now.

Nurse G
Sometimes I hate being a nurse. Everything cool happens when you’re on shift. Send me the link? Where did you search?

Nurse I
I took Africa, because it has a huge desert, so it’s the perfect place to look, but I’ve had no luck. I don’t even remember what I’m looking for.

Hannah
Show me the game rules again?

Nurse G
Everyone’s looking in Africa because of the Shultz PSA about the Mars mission controversy. Let’s try looking at Australia. Not that anything happens there, but you know he loves mudding in Alice Springs with Razor Crane.

Hannah
There is a countdown. It says time minus twelve hours.

Nurse I
No time. Let’s divide it into three parts and scour it.

Martine
Nurse? We need you for a briefing in recovery. It’s for the aorta patch patient.

Hannah
Right away, Doctor Russell.

Categories
Earth

Darfurians

Shultz
… Nah, that’s alright. You drink?

St Lucas
Water, thanks.

Lilibeth
Scooch over. This dress is literally stifling me. Thank goodness I fit into a sample size. Not that a ten percent discount made a difference. I knew the feather train was a bad idea… Uhh… Hi. Whose car am I in?

Shultz
That’s a beautiful dress. Burberry.

Lilibeth
I’m concerned that you know this. Thank you. I’m concerned that you know this.

Shultz
Secret? My wife’s the new spokesmodel and she did a shoot for French Vogue in that dress.

Lilibeth
Your wife is a doll. Adorable. Unrealistically long legs. I literally worship her. She has replaced Victoria as Queen of the Galaxy. And, I find it ironic that Victoria designed this dress for Burberry that’ll crown your wife her successor.

Shultz
Thank you. Uhhhm… We haven’t been formally introduced.

St Lucas
This is Lilibeth Stefánsdóttir. She’s my…

Lilibeth
Head of his daughter’s charity organisation … for the … children … of Darfur. And other countries.

St Lucas
Yes, we’re … Yeah.

Shultz
Oh, I thought you two were…

Lilibeth
No. He’s not my type. I’m into married couples. Friday night Strip Minecraft? You two should join my spicy little group.

St Lucas
Lilibeth is here to ask… appeal. I mean, I’m here to appeal … Actually, why don’t I get my publicists on Skype? They’re better at this.

Shultz
Sure.

St Lucas
Marcus?

Marcus
Good afternoon and congratulations on another hit movie, Mr. Shultz.

Shultz
Thank you.

Marcus
This is Storm, my colleague. We’re working on a non profit project.

Lilibeth
For children in the Sudan. And other countries.

Storm
Yes, that’s… exactly. How do you do, Mr. Shultz? I’m such a big fan.

Shultz
I love your hair colour. It’s nice…

Storm
Thank you so much. Shall we get on with the presentation?

St Lucas
She’s shy.

Marcus
Let me start by saying that we are on an active campaign for the children of planet Earth. Our government has spent billions on failed missions to gather soil samples on Mars and haven’t disclosed to the public how these missions have any benefits for our planet’s future prosperity. We have social problems that would benefit from a fraction of that in social investments. We want to start a viral campaign. We will begin with an emotional appeal from a group of Japanese high school students who, last year, created a recycled gym wear collection drive for children in developing countries. The Japan Red Cross has cosponsored it. It hasn’t got worldwide publicity but it’s got lots of support in country. We would like you to push it into the stratosphere.

Shultz
I’m really disappointed I didn’t hear about this before. I visited Japan last month.

Storm
We have an affinity for non profit projects. Especially those created by ordinary people.

St Lucas
To get maximum support, we will piggyback off the publicity for my upcoming movie.

Shultz
You want to have people work hard for a real social cause while they’re waiting for the movie’s release.

St Lucas, Storm, Marcus, Lilibeth
Exactly!

Marcus
We want people to care for this as much as they care about the newest hit film. Donation wise, we want to present dollar amounts equivalent to items people buy regularly.

Storm
For example, you can donate a cookie, a sandwich, a donut, a cappuccino, or a hamburger and fries. We don’t leave the donation amounts open ended. That actually makes people less likely to choose to donate. We make it real. Tangible for them.

Shultz
I’m in, one hundred ten percent. What do you want me to do?

Marcus
Well, it’s very simple. We want a really unconventional campaign ad, so we would like to record your statement right now, in the car.

Shultz
Cool, I can do that. I’m all dressed up.

Storm
Thank you for cooperating. Speak a little louder than you feel comfortable doing, as we need to compensate for the sound editing later. Let’s record three times. Please lean forward. Just stare at the screen and read the text off it.

Shultz
Got it. Ready. Wait, I want to rehearse first. Can we do that? When does this ad get released?

Marcus
Ninety minutes. We upload it and through our contacts, who will hype it just as the images from tonight’s premiere are released. The morning shows will scramble to cover it.

Shultz
Okay, I like this better than mugging for the cameras. Are we ready to record?

Storm
Yes, we are.

Shultz
Lilibeth, can you count me down?

Lilibeth
With pleasure. Begin in five, four, three, two…

Categories
Earth fiction

The Premiere

ABC
Let’s get you dusted down here. Liz, get me a fluffy mic cover?

AP
We don’t need him yet.

Getty
Mr. Shultz, we’ll need you to wait here for another three minutes.

Shultz
Sure.

Elle
What about me? I’m in the movie, too.

Shultz
They’re under a lot of pressure. I’ll say something to the producers later.

Elle
You don’t have to go to the trouble.

Shultz
It’s okay. I’m happy to do it.

Getty
Could you guys get a bit tighter? To the right of the poster, please? Mr. Shultz, put your arm around her waist.

Shultz
Alright.

Elle
Wow. That was nice.

Shultz
You’re welcome.

AP
No smiles, please. Look straight ahead. Now just talk casually. Thank you.

Elle
It’s okay, you don’t have to move your hand.

Shultz
I don’t want to make you uncomfortable.

Elle
It’s okay, I’m very comfortable.

Shultz
Do you have everything?

Getty
Just wait for the press bank, please. They’ll want you next.

ABC
Standing by for live feed. Tony?

Elle
I’m staying at the Marriott. I’ve got a suite courtesy of mutual friends.

Shultz
Mutual friends?

Elle
Quentin, of course.

ABC
I’m sorry, could you stand over to this side? The tree’s not playing well.

Shultz
Sure.

Elle
I mean, you could swing by. I’m in one of the executive suites. I think it’s five seven seven.

ABC
Tony? It’s going alright. We’re waiting for commercials to end. Two minutes.

Shultz
Yolanda, could you call my wife?

Assist
Right away.

Shultz
Tell her I’m on my way home right after this interview. Ask her if she wants to stay in or go out. Set it up.

Assist
Will do.

Elle
Has Cassandra seen the film as yet? The Internet’s been talking about our steamy love scene.

Shultz
I think Quentin cut it. Didn’t you hear? He said he didn’t like it. It was gratuitous.

Elle
What?! It’s a shame Quentin’s such a prude. I’m sure you can use your influence to have the editors dig it up and leak it online. Our fans deserve to see it, don’t you think?

St Lucas
Shultz, how are you?

Shultz
Sweet Jesus! You scared the crap out of me.

St Lucas
Hello, I’m …

Elle
I know who you are. You’re setting the world on fire. Nice work.

St Lucas
Thank you…

ABC
Forty seconds.

Shultz
I have an on-air interview. Now.

St Lucas
Can you make some time for me? There’s a thing…Just came up out of the blue. Thought you might be interested. It’s a humanitarian effort, a throwback to your “Batman” days. It needs someone with a sizeable codpiece.

Shultz
I’m never going to live that down. I’m leaving right after the interview, perhaps we can catch up later?

ABC
Fifteen seconds.

St Lucas
Why don’t I just ride out with you?

Shultz
Sure. I’d love you to meet my wife. Hang out, right over there!

ABC
And we’re live in five, four, three, two, one.

Categories
Earth

50 ways to eat …

Lilibeth
Coq au vin…costs fifty dollars per plate on my private jet. Let’s stop pretending it’s not really prefabricated 3D printed carbs and petroleum jelly packed with salt and sugar… And… the porcelain pricks overcharged me for fuel … again. My first honest job, where I have to actually work. I agree to do it for free. And it’s costing me a fortune.

Siemus
Karma, Ma’am. It’s a bitch.

Lilibeth
Alright. On our way over, I’ve read every post on this guy’s blog and listened to his podcasts. There is too much confirmable data, according to our tech team of one, Jodie.

Jodie
Timelines, transport logs and press releases from independent sources match up exactly.

Lilibeth
Luckily, his listeners are toothless sharks and that may be why he’s still in there.

Jodie
However, his Twitter feed’s now picking up a lot of followers, because of his helpful hashtags and the information war we instigated, thanks to some of my friends in Hong Kong.

Lilibeth
… and don’t forget the gold rush that Planet Xenu engineered with his PR people in New York. That is why we need to question him before the real sharks notice he might be ground zero. Is everyone understanding the situation? Good. Bring the truncheon, kids. Knock that door down. I want a grand entrance.

:::::::..+++.::::::::
:::::::.***::::::::

Mob
What the…?

Lilibeth
Give this to me. Shut that off.

Mob
You can’t do that. I’m live on the air!

Lilibeth
Oops. Tell me….Mr Mob Gnarley….when was the last time you got …. wood? Hmmm?

Mob
Are you law enforcement? I must see your credentials.

Lilibeth
Sure. Let me scootch up a little higher. Uhhh… Right … there. My “credentials” are hot pink, by the way.

Mob
This is … harrassment … assault.

Lilibeth
You’re wrong. It’s torture… for me.

Mob
Who are you?

Lilibeth
Where exactly in the United States is the Government holding alien technology, slash aliens, slash, whatever?

Mob
I don’t know.

Lilibeth
You have a radio show, a podcast and five hundred subscribers. Don’t tell me that.

Mob
I literally don’t … It’s a gimmick.

Lilibeth
Hang on a sec… You like? This, my Gnarley friend, is a custom made Rimfire. It is called the LMX Queen Máxima. That’s a rose gold plated grip and these stones embedded in the barrel are tanzanite and morganite and … this long, pointy thing? Is … a … silencer.

Mob
Please!

Lilibeth
I’m going to put it over here. Because a guy like you, I only need to dry hump you until you tell me what I want to know.

Mob
Haaa, okay. Alright. This woman has a blog about reverse engineering projects using extraterrestrial technology. I read her posts and use them as scripts for my show. With a few editorial flourishes here and there.

Lilibeth
She doesn’t mind that you’re plagiarising?

Mob
Well, I … No. She doesn’t have any followers. Well, one… me. I felt sorry for her, you know, so I threw her a bone. Technically, I reblog from her blog.

Lilibeth
Technically, you’re a douche. Where’s this crazy bitch from? What is her name and where does she live?

Mob
I don’t know. Ahhh. Actually, ohhh, that feels nice….Owww!

Lilibeth
Stop deflecting, or I’ll slap you again.

Mob
I don’t know her. She uses an alias. If you let me grab my laptop, ohhh, okay, my phone. I’ve bookmarked it.

Lilibeth
Thank you.

M2M
Gnarles, what’s with the noise? I’m trying to… Wow! Nice dress. Are you going to the premiere?

Lilibeth
Yes.

M2M
Can I go with? I can pretend to be your assistant. I’m literally thirty seconds away from changing into something decent.

Lilibeth
Young lady, I’m a bounty hunter and not a professional carpet walker. This getup is a disguise and don’t get it twisted.

M2M
Well, what are you looking for?

Lilibeth
Martian boy.

M2M
Like, for the interactive game? People are really taking this seriously. It’s just a movie. And you look rich, like, you don’t need the money.

Lilibeth
I meant, like, for reality. Your boyfriend…

M2M
Cousin.

Lilibeth
Right. What was I thinking… He broadcasts this conspiracy theory nonsense on his show and it happens to be true.

M2M
Well, what if I said I used to be a software engineer at IBM and Cisco Systems? I built software for two orbiting satellites and was one of two hundred engineers who designed the software for the Mars probes. I quit because no sun for three years straight was a bit much. Nowadays, I let people pay me to hack their networks, you know, to spy on their wives and husbands.

Lilibeth
Sold! You will join Jodie, my tech team of one. Siemus? Find a place for Mission to Mars in the convoy. If she can’t fit on a back seat, put her in the trunk.

Siemus
Ma’am.

M2M
Oh my God! Thank you so much. Can I go with you on the red carpet?

Lilibeth
No.

Mob
Where are you going? Traitor! Hey, give me my phone!

Lilibeth
I’m keeping this. For research purposes, of course. And of course, I won’t return it.

Mob
Wait… What about my front door?

Lilibeth
See ya!

Categories
Earth fiction

**** Breaking News ****

findthemartianbaby

The interactive game for Luke St James’ new film, Lamda Six has gone viral, with just under 40 million retweets in the first five hours since its release. The $200,000 reward sparked widespread protests in Pakistan. The film is currently being shot on location in Canada and is scheduled to be released on February 14, 2016. SB Catalog.

earthlivesmatter2

Leaked documents concerning an alleged multinational Gobi Desert operation, insider trading, a new Mars mission and asteroid mining plans have ignited protests around Europe. SB Catalog.

Categories
Earth

Boola Boola

Lulu
Ninety five.

Harriet
Okay, how many more grids left? And we haven’t covered the north side.

Lulu
I now understand that GIS is really sucky. There’s too much data, and none of it is live. We need access to several satellites and military grade software if we are ever going to get this done in time.

Harriet
Not necessarily. We could use drones and do the physical search that way. I mean, do you know anyone who could lend us a few drones?

Lulu
You mean, my father? If he agrees to lend us drones, which he won’t because this is just a game to promote Luke St James’s new blockbuster movie, how can we use them effectively, if we have only two sets of eyes?

Harriet
I have an idea. Come with me.

:::::::
….. ….. …..
:::::

Harriet
Hello, bitches.

Rori
What up.

Harriet
Drop everything and come with me.

Bart
All of us?

Harriet
Yes, all of you.

Heath
Yes, Princess.

Harriet
I’ll give you a free pass Heath, because you’re seriously into me. And I might throw some at you later.

Bart
What’s this all about?

Harriet
The new interactive game, “Find the Martian Spaceship” with “Find the Martian Boy” for Lamda Six. My darling, St Lucas, apparently came up with the concept himself.

Heath
Bad ass concept. I mean, it’s so simple and so state of the art. It’s got 3D animated aliens and did you see the ship designs? Too cool.

Lulu
Yeah, Icelandic runes were an unexpected artistic touch. I liked how they draw in all the world cultures we normally don’t get to see in movies.

Harriet
Guys! I’m in charge of the presentation.

Bart
The Martians’ face tattoos resemble Maori, which is extremely cool in itself.

Rori
Bart and I are playing right now. We’re betting on the North Pole.

Bart
We’re sharing the two hundred thousand dollar grand prize. I mean, Icelandic runes means, Lapland, et cetera. Big clue. Winners!

Josh
I have Nero’s econ mock exam tomorrow.

Heath
Pssht! He’s hot for you. Just do a strip tease to calm him down, and he’ll pass you with flying colours.

Josh
You know, you should really…

Harriet
Is anyone here going to listen to me?

Bart
I’m listening.

Harriet
I was thinking, we pool our human resources and split the prize money equally. Not that this is about money. This is about pride, people. Hansel! Join us.

Hansel
Hiya.

Harriet
I was saying, everyone is playing this new game “Find the Martian Spaceship”. You have heard of it.

Hansel
I have, and so has everyone who’s breathing. I just read that the launch announcement got thirty eight million retweets in the first four hours. The Lamda Six website’s crashed now, by the way. There are mirror sites popping up by the minute. This game is literally breaking the Internet.

Rori
Take that, Kim Kardashian’s butt! Although, physically, it’s like literally looking for a needle in a haystack. I meant the game, not her “asset.”

Harriet
Can I please just get on with my presentation? It is seriously like a preschool in here. As I was saying, luckily, I have a brilliant idea. Lulu and I have been using GIS software we borrowed from the lab to analyse the terrain in specific locations. We haven’t been able to come up with anything because, and this did not occur to us before, but we’re looking at archived images of terrain.

Heath
Right…that makes sense. But we can’t like, use satellites.

Harriet
No. We can use drones. Lulu’s Dad owns the world’s largest drone manufacturing company. She is on the phone with him right now. I don’t know what she’ll say to convince him, but we have to assume that she will get permission. Plus, we’re both geography majors, so it’s like, educational. It’ll be fine.

Hansel
I admire your confidence.

Harriet
Don’t condescend. Alright. Are we all together?

Josh
Isn’t it like, not cost effective to use drones? I mean, they’re expensive and the cost of operating them would be more than the prize money.

Harriet
Get over yourself, Josh. You’re still an under graduate. Who cares about the cost, people? We can’t let the Oxford team steal our glory. I found out this morning that they’re seriously organised. They have taken over a whole dormitory and are using it as a command centre.

Bart
No way!

Harriet
Yes way.

Rori
How do you know that?

Harriet
A certain geography professor has a crush on me from my short summer studies there last year. I think he was trying to impress me. We, on the other hand, are all over the place. Don’t you have any pride in your school? For the next seventeen hours, we will sweat and bleed to win the game. We use our superior assets, which are my brains, and your eyes and forefingers. It’s the perfect combination.

Bart
Yes, Princess. So, how does this work?

Harriet
First, let me explain why satellites won’t work. Remote sensing applications, that is the technical term for how satellites “see” things on the ground, have limitations. These are overpass frequency, timing and clear daytime skies. However, with drones, we can overcome all these limitations. Here’s how we will do that. While Lulu’s getting her Dad’s drones online, we need to become experienced observers. Let’s use the archived images to have an idea of what the terrain looks like normally. Then, we can see immediately what’s different about the location over the time period. We are looking at specific spatial patterns and how they change in time.

Hansel
What you’re saying is that while the Oxford team is wasting time looking at stale footage of the ground, we will be looking at the fresh, raw, real time information?

Harriet
Prexactly.

Hansel
Let me grab my laptop. You guys in?

Josh, Rori, Bart
Hell, yeah!