New to Clubhouse? Don’t get clubbed + Drama free drop in audio

Where two or more humans are gathered, there will be drama, and in this post, I will tell you how to avoid drama on Clubhouse. The app is now open to everyone and overnight, sellers of invites went out of business, while the bot and troll populations have exploded. As of Sunday, moderators are now challenging listeners before inviting them on stage to speak. As I edit this post, a moderator is ejecting a speaker who got on stage to ask, “Uhm… What’s the topic?” Read ahead and learn how you can avoid getting clubbed as a newbie.  

First things first. You need a bio. The easiest way to get clubbed is to not have one. Your profile should explain your interests and tell everyone why you have joined Clubhouse. If you are registered and have no bio, stop reading this and update it right now. When I joined in mid-June, people were complaining about extra long profiles. Now, listeners without them might never get invited to speak due to the ongoing troll and bot problem. 

Add a profile image, logo or something representing your objectives. Drama people like to do screen captures of avatars, so make sure that yours is something you would not mind seeing on Twitter. Mine is the cover of my novel The Quarter Percent and it is also my first minted NFT. The image prompts questions and because my answers match everything in my bio, people with shared interests feel comfortable contacting me. 

The second thing you need is a linked, updated social media account, website, or email. Clubhouse is designed for drop in socialising, and communication is supposed to continue off the app. You may link Twitter and Instagram but almost everyone on Clubhouse is on Instagram. Every day, someone asks me why I do not use Instagram. Clubhousers prefer Instagram even though they get action blocked, hashtag banned, accounts suspended and posts smoked. If you choose not to get an Instagram account, be prepared to explain yourself all the time.

Third, recognise that drop-in audio allows speakers from all over the world to be in the same room and participate in a conversation. If a person says they are going to bed and you are starting lunch, “How dare you have lunch? I just woke up,” sounds weird, so stop.

People have been waking up as others were going to sleep every day since we crawled out of the mud and coughed up our gills. Because time zones. Remember that passport checks are only to be done by the police.

Many clubs are already scheduling rooms only for members, to avoid answering the same questions again and again. Unfortunately, this means that a lot of valuable information you might need for promoting your work is going to be reserved for people who are already comfortable using social audio. For more advice on social audio etiquette, please visit this post. 

Fourth, focus on large rooms where you can listen, ask for advice, and share information. This will raise your engagement quickly and safely. The fastest way to get clubbed is to immediately align yourself with a person or small group. A person’s objectives might change, or they might be drama people. Scan your hallway and hop into a small room that looks interesting. But leave immediately if there is any hint of hostility. Be like water and flow where support and positive engagement take you. 

Fifth, spend your first week following active clubs related to your specific interests. Use the calendar feature to manage your time. In these rooms which are topic-specific, you already have something in common with listeners. Speakers and listeners will read your profile and look at your social media feeds. Be equally discreet and read bios to find out more about your roommates. As mentioned above, the moderators are definitely reading yours.  

Sixth, ignore pings. That is the software at work, and you are not receiving a cordial invitation. Nine out of ten people who ping you will not respond when you ping them, so do not play. Especially ignore pings that invite you into single-host private rooms unless an appointment is arranged in the backchannel. I wish I had received this advice before joining Clubhouse. Assume that you are being roped into a speed dating event without your consent. The hosts will vanish once they find out you are not living two houses away from them. Save yourself the irritation and avoid responding in the first place.

That should do for your first two weeks. Social audio is constantly evolving. One day you’re with a group of friendlies and the very next morning, you wake up in the middle of a shark tank. Use the application actively by knowing your purpose and staying on brand. Listen first, keep up with conversations, steer clear of controversial topics, and stay open to new experiences. Practice good etiquette at all times. You never know whose avatar is sitting next to yours on stage. 

Postscript: Abstract paintings are from Sunday. I spent nine hours learning how to use Procreate, and I am slowly feeling my way through the features.