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Faux pas

If Kublai Khan were to see my hair today (92% humidity), he would mistake me for a cave dweller. Do not be misled, Kublai. I am a vain, stuck up precisionist who was raised by a Debrett’s handbook.

I once torpedoed plans to fund a small wedding party for a recently married colleague. I objected because he invited part-time staff to his wedding. However, he snubbed full-time, worked-to-the-bone six-days-a-week staff. He did not follow protocol and inform his boss. He kept it a secret from the persons who covered for him when he skipped work.

The Monday following nuptials by the lake, the Photo Album was flopped on my desk. As I thumbed through it, there was a faux smile on my face. But he still hadn’t told me he was now married, so I did not congratulate him.

Victoria Beckham. I have two versions of that dress in grey.
Photo credit: Pop Sugar.

Snobs resemble prudes to a degree. But prudes are predictable and rigid across the board. You already know what they’ll disapprove of. To succeed as a snob, however, you need to have double standards and these must fluctuate unpredictably.

For example…

Thanks to Marc Jacobs’ final rule-bending antics at Louis Vuitton, I now have a collection of dresses that could pass for nightgowns or underwear. I have also been outdoors looking like this:

 Alexander McQueen Photo credit: Vanity Fair, Italy.

Ask my wine club. And yes, it is appropriate for male guests to remove their clothing after a few glasses of Riesling. I won a pair of neon pink lace briefs in the raffle at the last gathering. The morning after, my inbox was flooded with requests to see me wearing them. That was everyone’s way of thanking me for a fun evening out.

Now, does this view pop your tart?


A facsimile of mornings in my office. Nail polish is banned, but this goes unnoticed. 

Photo credit: Star FM, Australia.

Because I’m a snob and have double standards, that does not pass. Not at 08:13 in the morning, when my eyes have just started to focus.

By ΠιCΘLΣ

Life is short, so let’s be decent.

100 replies on “Faux pas”

That’s funny, Julie. Superman, now Man of Steel, wears his underwear inside now. No more red pants over blue tights. I like the leather look. It’s creaky but sleek and streamlined.

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SB you appear to be well acquainted with a certain colleague of mine. Such a small world. Love the dresses/pyjamas and forgive the lack of nail polish. I await my invite to your next wine club congregation😉

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Thank you, mGm. I’m so happy someone understands my eyes’ pain. You’re going to love my wine club. They specialise in bundling me into vans for second parties. (It’s only a kidnapping if you didn’t have fun after). We meet again, outdoors, this Saturday. I pray I’ll survive this one.

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“To succeed as a snob, you need double standards and these must fluctuate unpredictably.” This is the most comprehensive, concise, accurate and comical definition I’ve ever read. But you don’t require my praise, of course. A simple thank you will do. Thank you.

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Thank you very much for your comment. I had a giggle when I wrote that phrase, too. Mostly because sarcasm doesn’t always translate well in text. And I could see someone taking that meaning literally. Thank you for reading. Best wises x SB

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I will be repeating this soon, I’m sure: “To succeed as a snob, you need double standards and these must fluctuate unpredictably.” Pleasure to read your delicious prose, as always.

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Thank you. I liked the idea of teasing readers with the implication they’d want to be that brand of uptight. I’m glad everyone can take a joke. Thank you FF, for reading deliciously.

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Hilarious, laughing to myself because I’m reading while at my workplace, which does allow nail polish as well as inappropriate VPL and poor taste casual wear.

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I see your fashion in your selfies and I think you look great. That satin pajama the other day was a winner. You get one million points for that and can wear whatever you want in the daytime.

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I’d be posting pics of my new office’s dress code if I didn’t prize my retinas and my snobbery more. Pity those tight tights mean I can’t even turn up my nose and sniff haughtily at them.

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I’m so sorry, HB. That’s horrible what they’ve done to your eyes. I know, it is shocking but believable that people do not look at their backsides before leaving the house.

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I generally do not take my clothes off at parties unless the wine is Shiraz. Your wardrobe selection is impeccable, and yes my tart has now been popped. 🙂

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Screamed through my eyes just now, Rob. I need your valuable contribution, especially on a Tuesday (Tidbit night). You know this was for you, right? This is as dirty as I can get without clutching my pearls.

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I appreciate the consideration, Sabiscuit! 💗 Welcome to Tidbit Tuesday. 💗💗 I’m very intrigued about your wine club and the male dress code. Are sequenced shorts also removed? 😉

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I can’t tell you that. But we’re so used to the table dancing antics (with wives present) we just talk through their legs and let them get on with it. You have to be there. They’re horrible.

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I don’t think that I’ve ever got naked in public because of wine. Mojitos – maybe – but never wine. 😉

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Mojitos are seriously not to be messed with. Although, I need to make sure you actually do that, so please invite me next time you plan to drink one. I’ll watch very carefully to make sure everything goes to plan.

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Very well, you shall be invited. But since these are generally pool parties, would you be so kind as to spray me down with mosquitoe repellant if everything goes as planned? As you could imagine, mosquitioes will bite in the most unusual places…

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Don’t start with that. Your posts should be read because you wrote them. Thank you for earlier. You’ve been a great help. I couldn’t have written this post without that boost of moral support. You’re in my reader now so I will see new posts from yours. Have a great Tuesday.

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(Died laughing) You have no idea how difficult it is to NOT have nail polish. I might need to talk to someone about the stress this is causing me. But you’re a man. These things do not ruin your day.

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I think I can reasonably compare it to when I am hit by the horrible curse to discover that I have gone out without my cologne. Nobody should ever endure such suffering. Makes me want to create a specific NGO…

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It looks just like that, okay? I was shocked there was a photo online with the same exact trousers and the same colour pants. No, no nail polish, which makes me feel feminine and pretty. No.

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You can do it, but the trick is to do lots of pilates and yoga so the lines are smooth. Sometimes, knowing you could, if you wanted to, is half the battle. Thank you for reading. x

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