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New tax penalties for single women

Government introduces new tax penalties for single women and fashion bloggers
by Shalala Riceampeas
SB NEWS
April 27, 2015 09:15 GMT

The Government has announced in the 2015 Spring Statement and 2015 Finance Bill, tax measures that are likely to be welcomed by men who have been unable to find girlfriends in the dating pool, bars and pubs.

Three tax measures are intended to support peer-to-peer introductions; online dating services; dental clinics; hair salons and fitness clubs.

  1. From April 2016, a new tax penalty of 10% will be introduced for women who do not register their relationship status as “in a relationship” on HateBook. All women are required to register their relationship status with local councils. Verification documents may include vacation photos, party videos, xrated chats, and not safe for work videos.
  2. The Government will be introducing an additional 20% income tax for all fashion and beauty bloggers who fail to register as being “in a relationship” as of April 2017.
  3. Finally, the Government will build on its promise to stamp out antisocial behaviour among unmarried women with relationship training, love life inspections and registration centres throughout the country.

The introduction of the tax penalties will encourage more women to develop the skills to attract men and keep them interested. Relief will therefore be offered to men who have said they are not having any luck picking up women in bars, nightclubs, restaurants, train stations, book stores, or hotel lobbies.

Finance Minister Spahm Bherger has said that single women “spend too much of their income on scented candles, handbags, shoes, lacy underwear and cosmetics.” He further said that, “women with boyfriends or husbands tend to make meals at home and do laundry. We believe that the new tax measures will help more men to have their nutrition and intimacy needs met at home.” News of the crackdown has caused a surge in the number of registrations at KindHer, BindHer and Gatch.com. Independent matchmaking services have also seen a surge in customers.

Bella Donna, a pole play choreographer at PolinEX, has said she will need more staff to help teach scores of women who have registered for nightly pole and lap dancing lessons. Some fashion bloggers have seen the new tax measure as a way to make quick cash. They offer wardrobe arrangement, makeup and etiquette lessons via Skype.

Fashion blogger Raga Muffine charges $50 per hour for fruit licking lessons at her tiny apartment in the city. Clients bring their own ripe bananas or Twinkies to class. Ms Muffine provides the whipped cream, maple syrup or chocolate sauce at no extra cost.

According to the Spring Statement, the Government will not recognise unmarried same sex couples. This means that women will not be able to pretend they are in relationships with their single girlfriends in an attempt to avoid paying the tax.

Finally, the Government has also announced its intention to introduce new online systems. These are the Social Engagement Kickstart Scheme (SEKS) and Seed Injection Scheme (SIS). These systems are geared at providing legal insurance to companies as encouragement to relax rules about staff relations and sexual harassment policies, making it less problematic for busy women to flirt with men and find boyfriends at work.

The schemes are likely to be of interest to not only nerds and geeks who traditionally have no game, but also to speed dating providers who wish to provide lunchtime dating sessions for corporate clients.

Divorced women and widows will also be penalised.

What are your thoughts on the proposed changes? Tweet us: @kissmycinnabuns. Image via Jonathan Borba, Unsplash.

By ΠιCΘLΣ

Life is short, so let’s be decent.

132 replies on “New tax penalties for single women”

Tee hee … Thank you for reading!! There was a small panic when I published this. My friends tell me that they can’t tell when I’m being sarcastic but that’s the fun part.

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No. Must have male companion and have photographic evidence of doing dirty deeds. Just stick your tongue out and look like you’re enjoying it. You know the drill.

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Thank you so much for commenting. Unnerving readers was just exactly what I was hoping to do. We all know the feeling of puzzlement we get after beaurocrats huddle together and decide to make stuff up. If only they’d ask us first.

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I wold not be surprised if it became law. Social manipulation is what all governments do. It was funny though. 🙂

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Of course, even those who don’t have to pay a lot of income tax are taxed every time they buy something… and they are constantly taxed through inflation as well 🙂

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In Hong Kong, we are actually luckier compared to other developed countries. The maximum salaries tax in HK is 16.5% while profit tax is 17%. We also don’t have sales tax… but that might change in the future, since our clown of a financial secretary wants to add VAT for our purchases…

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I really don’t think that this BS would go through the legislative council since those old bats seem to not support this particular policy. Although, who am I kidding? Anything stupid can occur in the government, right?

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I wouldn’t trust a banker with my money, their incompetence can even crash the entire market after all. I can’t imagine what would happen with my little amount of money if I follow their advice 🙂

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Hmm…that’s interesting..but what if I married the banker instead of taking advice..I mean what if I seduced him into doing so…the money issue is gone then..😉it’ll be his money I would spend lol

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Oh, if he goes bankrupt, he can always work as a walking billboard in Hong Kong since he probably already knows how to be showy, or better yet, he can be a meter maid since it involved numbers as well…

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I would do that for a friend even though I don’t like to be involved with lawyers that much… and just for the lulz as well 🙂

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I used to “go out with” one. He called himself “God”. The attitude is they don’t talk to people who are worth under six or seven zeros because it’s not worth their time. Their job is not to make money for you, so you’re right not to trust.

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Their real job is to get the money that we have earned though hard work for themselves then invest them to risky multiple investments. Once that they become “too big to fail”, their confidence would also increase exponentially. Eventually, they would fail, but since they are “too big to fail”, the government would subsidize them using the taxes that came from from us once more, and this cycle goes on…

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Really?! I thought, so, too, as it looks almost reasonable compared to the incomprehensible things we’re asked to put up with. I was so fed up with these taxists and their clever ideas for getting more money to pay for goodness knows what. I had to make fun of them. Thanks for reading.

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