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Pecs Bowen responds to 48, Single Men Only

If you are a man, you have sex with women and you watch porn regularly, please continue reading. It is my humble request to you, to please stop watching porn

Please Stop Watching Porn
x Pecs Bowen

If you are a man and you do not watch porn, this is not for you. If you are a man, have watched porn and are repulsed by it, this is not for you. If you are a man, you have sex with women and you watch porn regularly, please continue reading.

It is my humble request to you, to please stop watching porn.

I am not asking you to stop watching porn because it degrades women or objectifies them, not also because it is hypocritical on your part. While you fight for the cause for women to have a life of dignity, you also contribute to the demand side of that profession. No.

I am asking you to stop watching porn for the sake of women who come back home with you to make love. Sex is such an incredible activity. Two people naked exploring each other’s bodies, learning ways to pleasure the other, building a rhythm, discovering a tempo, having a deeply personal experience together, something which is their own.

You do not need to take lessons or read a tutorial to know how to please a woman. It is something you can learn slowly and over time. Women do not really care if you cannot keep time or how many positions you switch or whether you look like one of those fellas in pornos. We really don’t.

What matters more is how much you are into it at the moment. What matters is the intensity of your need for us, what matters is the passion, intensity and caring at the same time. But these are general things, what your woman specifically wants cannot be learnt from a movie. You will learn it by spending more time with her in bed, by experimenting a bit (use your own imagination for this please, you will be surprised how much fun you can have if you just improvise on the spot) Read her body and moods and just be there with her wihout any preconceived notions on what works and what doesn’t.

I think it is silly, how many men, when it comes to dealing with, talking to or having sex with a woman leave their brains behind. They think we want what popular media says we want: Candlelight dinners, wild long lasting sex, a happily ever after. (Sigh.) How silly can you be?

It really breaks your lover’s heart when she learns that all that you ask her to do in bed, you do because you have seen other men do it to other women in a porno. You probably are expecting from her the same fake noises, and the same over the top enthusiasm for those gag things and those toy thingies.

We are not stupid you know. We have seen pornos. We have seen how men treat women in them. So if you treat our bodies like that, we know that while your heart is in the right place, your mind is somewhat perverted. And goodness gracious, what a turn off that is.

So please, please stop watching porn and make love us any way you want. Just not like how they do in porn films.

Much Concerned,
This Woman

By ΠιCΘLΞ

Life is short, so let’s be decent.

67 replies on “Pecs Bowen responds to 48, Single Men Only”

Great article. All this needs to be said more often!… However, do excuse me for expressing a pet peeve – the thing about women not caring about how a man looks like – I’ve heard it so many times and I find it unfair. I think it’s really unfair to expect a woman to not care about how a man looks like and to make her feel guilty for wanting a good-looking man. It’s also not true that “all good-looking men are jerks”. Jerks come in all shapes and sizes, and so do good people.

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Thank you for reblogging this great post. I’m friends with a few Moms who are very concerned about what is happening to the young kids growing up in the online porn generation. The male teenagers they’ve talked to have already watched porn and their idea of what sex is going to be like has been influenced by it. I have to say I’m grateful not to be a young girl growing up right now–so much stuff is so screwed up.

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Thank you for commenting. This is an original post. I’d invited Pecs to write a longer response because our conversation was really interesting and I wanted to hear her out in full.

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Good article 🙂 I just feel the western world has made it as a business, as a hardcore business and the rest of the world has followed it, and now Internet is using a great business for them, I feel this is a bullshit and there is no big insult than this to the woman, and the women should respect their bodies rather taking it as a pleasure to show off the assets 🙂 also Hollywood movies do their softcore side.

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Thanks for stopping by and reading this. Sex sells like hot cakes and good coffee, also it is not just the western world but humanity over the course of entire history has raked in profits of every kind by exploiting the perverseness of the human mind.

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It is all behavior whose impulse is righteous at its root. The soul seeks its resolution in behavior that promises some kind of fulfillment. That is the root of addiction of any kind and that is its trap. “Reaching for the Real in the wrong direction.” Defensiveness many times signals that there is some deep shame lurking about somewhere either conscious or not. I have no judgement of folks who sit around and pull on their privates. Its just kinda sad to me and a waste. The themes that turn them on are generally parallel and correspond to deeper soul issues that are wanting resolution. The themes could be understood similarly as one would use the information from dreams.

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Yeah, I like how you express that “the root of addiction of any kind and that is its trap.” I find it amusing. I’m no goody two shoes but saying I don’t want to be degraded and having people say that means I’m violating their rights is kind of soiled to me. That is the definition of rape culture. Saying I don’t want something is taken to mean I am judging people who like the thing. No means no. Not because I like a thing means I have to do it with every stranger on the entire planet. It doesn’t mean I signed a contract to be called choice names.

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Its fun! Generally you can know more about a person than they would be comfortable with by studying what makes them jump and defensive. Now I guess I have to go do :grown up” things.

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*Hands before my face to protect from brickbats*
Do guys really learn stuff from porn? Seriously? I mean I’ve watched porn, do watch it from time to time, but I don’t remember ever learning from it. I don’t know, but guys I watched porn with only saw it as, well, jerk off fodder. Maybe they were taking mental notes. I don’t know, maybe my head is screwed on wrong…
*running away*

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The young woman wants to be treated with consideration by a man in bed. She is entitled to that. I agree that it is part of a healthy balanced psychology of her loving her. Wanting to be treated with respect is good. It is healthy, it is mature and full of self esteem which I love.

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The funny thing that you have going there is … good, but don’t run just away yet. Come back, read the article again, give it some time, give it some thought, it’s not a rant. And then perhaps initiate a discussion.

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Thanks a lot for coming back to read the comments, Pecs. HB is a supporter and regular reader. I hope he does come back to share his thoughts. x

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I did read it, and I agree with most of it. The running away was metaphorical and I always prefer a calm discussion over raging arguments. 🙂
And I did like the points you made, in case I didn’t make that clear. 🙂

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Thanks a lot, HB. I had deleted the raging arguments after you wrote this comment but didn’t want to adjust your comment as we hadn’t discussed that. It’s a small time slip with crossed wires. Thank you as usual for your support, HB x

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It would have been so nice if someone thinks it worthy of their time and effort and came up with an article – ‘watching porn and what we men learn from it’.

Or if some grown up man would say – dear child, it’s all a passing fancy, remember when you were little and Wanted to get married but then u grew up and decided you wanted a lot of other things …its like that…

I got the humor the comment and I hope you did see the same in mine.

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I’ve found that people who rely on fantasy scenarios as a go to for real life advice or learning usually don’t prosper in the real world and I am sure that the answers will find them there. Sadly, not everyone can learn from their mistakes. They simply keep making the same ones with different people.

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I think all of us get caught in acts of repetition. Keats talks about it in a new vision. Krishna in gita. They do say history repeats itself…

Pardon me for the philosophical jump… I agree though ,learning curves for people differ.

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I remember having a fruitless conversation with a man once about how it’s not cool to make allusions to violence during sex acts to someone who was assaulted. I kept repeating that it’s a trigger and will cause the person to feel unpleasant feelings. He repeated that he thought it was funny and that he’s a comedian so… He still didn’t get the point. People get very upset when you say you really don’t like something they like, want and need.

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Oh this was an excellent post and discussion. Bravo. I’ve dated may men who have watched porn, but my best experiences with sex came from partners who were emotionally involved. Not bucket list … which is what I’ve noticed with those poor men who have been tortured by marriage for many years … living out their fantasy with women who are giving it all up for nothing … but really have expectations of something in return … their self-esteem. Doesn’t work when you walk away.

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Don’t deal with it. It’s a lazy habit. I told someone I knew that watching it simulates the symptoms of depression. Porn is not about sex. It’s about numbing the brain and creating a sense of dependency, a feeling of “lack”. A person who consumes a lot of porn is actually at risk to other forms of control. They’re not in control by mimicking behaviours they see. They have completely lost their identity and are being rewritten by someone they don’t know.

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Wow..that’s new to me…i mean..i know guys around me watch porn…hmm…u are right…my experience says that men who indulge in pornare actually trying to keep away from reality..in practicality..they are shuting themselves in denial of the fact that. They cannot do the same in their everyday lives which in turn results in puddling of depression within them…later they can suffer from bipolar as well you know….i shall remain single

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This resonates with me. Glad I am not the only one who thought this.

” I think it is silly, how many men, when it comes to dealing with, talking to or having sex with a woman leave their brains behind. They think we want what popular media says we want: Candlelight dinners, wild long lasting sex, a happily ever after. (Sigh.) How silly can you be?”

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Only love to make is with a woman you love. In those moments, there is no one in your mind but only the woman right by you. The hours you spent watching porn and gratifying yourself have no use when with a woman you love. With no tutorial and experience, your body and her body will know exactly what to do. It is magical and an experience words can’t express. Best thing to do is to stop making love with a woman you don’t love, because it is not love making.

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I had to read it. Girls I’m suggesting that if he likes porn its kinda like the guy who never played football that is an “expert” on watching other people play. Its a very different thing to be in the game. Much love my friend.

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Thank you for reading, PG. That was a great analogy. It’s rare to hear a woman say that she’d prefer a man to use his imagination. Too many women don’t know how to have a frank talk about what they want and just go along to get along. I hope you’re having a groovy evening. x

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It is still a two way street. At the core we are boys. He needs to relearn how to play and feel as secure as she wants to be. If a man is fronting porn star shit it is out of insecurity.

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I agree but it’s hard to analyse when someone is basically threatening to tie you up and inflict pain so you can scream so the neighbours can hear how great he is in bed. So sick. Playing is very important, and so is working things out together, but sometimes we aren’t given a chance to be creative and combine efforts. It’s like being ordered off a menu, which is counterproductive. A woman’s going to shut down when that happens.

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