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SOS

POSSIBLE TRIGGER（≧∇≦）This post discusses suicide threats.

I happened on a post by a Presser who stated, “Need to end this all. This blog, this life, this everything. Nothing’s worth it.” I wrote in her comments in these exact words:

“I can’t believe you’re going to give up right now because you messed up? If you know you made some mistakes it means there’s a human being in there. Frustration means you’re right on target to a breakthrough. You need a hand? Ask for it! Everyone’s “hand” looks different but whatever you need, I trust that you do have the support you need to pull through. Get mad but by all means, get changed.”

What do I mean by get changed? Organically, there might be something that’s pulling you towards an outcome that’s good for your well being. Anger and frustration are internal mechanisms for focusing you away from counterproductive behaviors or attitudes. Those negative feelings are telling you that you’ve overlooked something important. Easier to say than to swallow. Exactly. And these things take time: They’re part of a process.

The Presser might come over here and see this, and it’s fine. I felt compelled to write this post after reading that and hearing this same sentiment just hours before, from another woman. She said she might die by the end of March. When I said, no one is planning on executing you, she said, “I might do it myself.” I take all suicide threats seriously. If they’re on blogs and they’re in front of me, I say something to the author. To be clear, and I’m not saying that this is the case here, but saying you’re going to “get out” in order to get attention is super double plus uncool.

I think I’m a compassionate human being, but I was angry at the way this last statement was tossed out. You’re so hooked on being a married woman that rather than get a divorce, death is a reasonable option? I asked her if she didn’t see the wealth of opportunities in front of her. I enumerated them.

Lastly, I told her to go and find herself a pair of sequined shorts and grab a younger, cuter, taller, buffer volleyballer. Shag each other rotten. Take away your estranged husband’s power to belittle you and grind you into the dirt. Choose to feel like a woman who is desired. I don’t care if she’s technically still married. Don’t get on my nerves with your sanctimonious horse bullocks. Elvis has left the building and is shacking up with Elvira. They’re traveling together. He bought her a house. She drives his Mercedes. Their digital schedules are synced.

“NO ONE UNDERSTANDS THE PAIN. NO ONE.” That’s partially true. No one might understand your pain, as it is tailor made for you. However, we all understand pain. I saw a beautiful painting today by an artist who was crying as she painted it. I said I only saw a joyful celebration of colors. I was lifted by it, and by the time she responded to my comment, she was feeling a lot better. The pain hasn’t all gone away. Maybe she’ll feel awful later. So be it. My point being, we all heal differently, and some of us are more effective at using it than others.

I’m taking myself out of the equation now, and not making this about how I will feel. For your own sake, say, “I’m struggling and I don’t know how to cope.” That’s honest, real and very much a situation to which I can respond, “What do you need?” Or make suggestions yourself, “I need attention. I need reassuring words. I need you to tell me off.”

I’m not naive; nothing’s fixable with a hug, a chat and a cup of tea, but I’m an advocate of feeling your feelings and allowing them to overwhelm you. No medication, drugs, wine, smiley faces or compensating. You’re a human being. Pain is painful, and that’s kind of the point.

By ΠιCΘLΞ

Life is short, so let’s be decent.

56 replies on “SOS”

That part of “checking out” to get attention…that´s a bit screwed up.
But as I said to you in my earlier comment, when you feel this way it´s easy for people on the outside to say “be strong and life is harsh so don´t automedicate, take life punches and roll with them” things like that. But that person who is contemplating suicide feels he or she is such in a dark hole that´s impossible just impossible to get out off. It´s a fucked up feeling, I know it. Now I look back at that part of my life as part of an old movie and don´t think about it much. And if I do, I just laugh it off as I did with my post. That´s my mechanism to cope with certain tragic things of my past, which are quite a lot really, I just put a strange ironic sarcastic twist to it and laugh at it. Probably doesn´t work for everybody but it does for me.

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Thank you for reading and sharing your personal experience. I do understand what you’re saying and thank you for pointing out that “that person who is contemplating suicide feels he or she is such in a dark hole that´s impossible just impossible to get out of”. You are so right. We need to realise this is how a person feels and factor it into what we say to them. It is true that we must not try to hurry people on to feel better. One other reader said something similar: that we can shine a light for the people who are in despair because we can see things from a broader perspective. Thank you again, and be well, SB.

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How long ago was it that Elvis left the building? Perhaps if I hurry I can still catch him…

It seems that ‘synchronicity’ has been working overtime for me to have seen this post, it was only three days ago when I commented on someone’s blog after they had written a post about suicide. Although I hasten to add that she was not threatening to do it, it was more of the starting point to a possible valuable discussion. Also it was from my other gravatar account when I had a different blog so I see her more as a friend and therefore I felt as though I could say things that were particularly appropriate to her that may of helped with her overall state of mind.

However, I have also had a similar experience as you had. When I started my last blog and was fresh to the world of wordpress I once typed ‘suicide’ in to the box for searching tags as I have lived a life closely related to suicide and I was interested to see how people were viewing it or discussing it. Stupid me never thought that there would be a possibility of someone threatening it let alone what I happen to stumble upon, which was not so much of a threat but a final, “Right, that’s it I’m going to kill myself, bye”. Not being able to ignore something like that I did all that I could do which was to write a long long long comment in which I told my own story and then a few jokes for good measure and then a few more jokes and then a link to a happy picture and on and on.

Of course my comment went straight into moderation and so I waited anxiously for three whole days until eventually I got a reply. Of course I was delighted that the girl concerned replied but I was a little bit angry inside, not with her directly, but more with the situation and how it affected me. I fully respect people’s rights to be able to control their own destiny and ultimately this also means their own mortality, but I also feel that people who do decide to commit suicide should not unfairly entangle other people; especially people with whom they have no connection to whatsoever.

And by saying this I don’t mean that people shouldn’t ask for help, even in the realms of blog world that is totally fine and in many ways may be the only way that some people can ask for help. The marvelous thing about the internet is that it creates so many opportunities for so many things, the unfortunate flip side to that is that not all the opportunities created are for positive uses. Leaving a message for strangers to read that tells of your imminent ultimate demise is a wholly irresponsible act no matter what the circumstances, any reasonably intelligent person can logically think through to what the implications could possibly be and it is not fair on people who stumble upon such information and have no immediate action available to them to help the situation.

I know that some people will say that a suicidal person is not thinking logically and therefore can’t be held responsible but tell that to the train driver who has to drive 3 miles to the next station looking at the remains of the person he just killed and then the rest of his life with that same image in his head. Sorry if that was a bit morbid but I do feel strongly about this and the aspect of responsibility.
When I was younger I was obsessed with the notion of suicide, obsessed with returning back to the beginning. I even tried it on 3 occasions, one of which I was extremely lucky to survive having woke up in intensive care a week after taking a massive overdose.

I was sectioned once and spent over a year in a psychiatric ward and in there most people wanted to die, some people tried, some succeeded, I even saw one, she casually walked off a cliff like some one stepping outside from their house. I do think we need to talk about suicide more so that becomes less of a taboo subject, but people are terrified of it and people make remarks like “stupid idiot” when they here about someone who has done it.

There is a very macho perception from society in general and I suppose that is related to the fact that the media in most aspects is run by a male majority and is mostly catered to having a male audience. When people spout their rhetoric that suicide is for cowards or the weak it does not help anybody and closes the door even more on a insufficiently lit aspect of human life. Suicide is not for the weak and anyone who has give it any serious thought knows that for certain. To me, the person who has given it any thought even just in the sense of acknowledging that it is a possibility is a more complete person.

When I was 18 I accidentaly found out that my Dad who died when I was 11 had actually commited suicide, although I wasn’t told much I came to realise that he had done it for reasons that he knew were right and made sense to him. He had cerebral palsy and unbeknownst to me as an 11 year old was starting to decline rapidly in health. He looked into the future and decided that it wasn’t fair on the family as a whole to have to firstly look after him and more importantly to have to watch him die slowly.

If I hadn’t of found out by accident I doubt I would have ever been told, suicide is such a taboo subject and people associate it with shame so much, which to me is the biggest shame. In a more open society we would accept that some people have a legitimate right to end their life in certain circumstances and to accept and openly talk about this would leave the doors wide open for those who are seriously thinking about it to come and tell people and in turn get the correct help. In a more open society I wouldn’t have to sit on a bus and listen to some ignorant fools call people like my Dad a coward. Society is getting better in this aspect slowly, but it would be good if it hurried up a little bit and we can get there faster.

As well as being in a psychiatric ward for a year I have also recieved extensive counselling to help me overcome my habit of writing long comments on people’s blogs… As you may have deduced, it didn’t work in the slightest. I would promise to write a shorter comment next time but I know that it’s a promise I can’t be sure of keeping.

You could always lock the doors the next time you see me coming. (happy yellow smiley facey thing)

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I am sorry to hear that this has affected you so deeply and has touched you personally. It was a sad read, and I read it half a dozen times, but I realise something about suicide. It’s abrupt and disruptive and we are hurt when someone decides to leave us. It is a strong taboo and I am happy you wrote this about it, because as long as we’re all talking about it, then others won’t feel bad about asking for help.

I do understand what you’re saying about getting entangled in other people’s life or death decisions. I guess that’s why I was frustrated with my friend. I want to offer support but I don’t want to be made responsible for the eventuality. I am helpless if I can intervene because you can’t go inside someone’s pain and heal it. If only it were that simple.

If I feel sorry for myself, I’ll say to a friend, Im a bit needy, or I’ll throw a party or something. I don’t want to drag people down. However, many people aren’t like that and until I can mind read, I’ll continue intervening if I see these things posted on blogs.

My question to you would be, what would you do now if you felt that way again. What would your actions be to change and what would you find comforting? What should someone say to help you feel less like that. I think this would help readers a great deal. Long response is fine, but please start a new thread so it will have maximum impact.

Warmest regards and thank you again for sharing.

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Thank you very much for reading. It was an unexpected turnout of support and I am happy that everyone felt safe enough to share their deepest feelings. You’re welcome here anytime, VW! Warm wishes, SB.

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Trish, thank you so much for doing this. You might have felt alone then, but you aren’t now. Everyone sharing so far has said that they feel as if they’re alone. I’m so glad you added this experience to your blog. It was brave and very scary, but we’re here for you. Some readers I thought were so happy and carefree have been struggling too. I want you to know that you can reach out to everyone here for support if you need it. We are humans first, and bloggers last. Love, SB.

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Thank you for saying this. I hope that more people could read your poetry and see how beautiful life is, even on our darkest days. I hope you’ll always be well, comfortable and safe… xoxo SB

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It is brave and very caring of you to post this. It is a sad reality that people become hopeless to the point of thinking about suicide. But this is a message that there are people who care. And pain is experienced by everybody. We just have to look for support. There is nothing permanent in life. Not even the darkest times. They too shall pass.

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Thank you for stating this about the darkest time, “They too shall pass.” Sometimes the best we can do is shine the light for others. I appreciate your kind sentiments and I do hope that those around you will also find strength in your positive outlook. Warmest, SB

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Thanks SaBiscuit. I tend to struggle with anxiety, worrying too. But with writing, reflections, right mind set, it helps me and reminds me to be positive. And yes whenever we can let us try to be a light to others for someday if we are in the dark too I am sure God will send some help for us too! Goodnight SaBiscuit!

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I love it..Someone with courage to write it, I’ve danced around it but never really said it. You are right we are humans first bloggers last….I have been right where your writing states…Now I am moving on. You know since I got ill the thought crossed my mind again, I had so many plans for this year, so manythings I wanted to do and the pain was stopping me. In just 5 yrs since walking away from 35yrs of D.V. I felt hey! I am free, then it all came tumbling down around me. Something turned the corner in my head this week and I felt a lot brighter, I still have the pain but I am accepting the pain, bone pain is incredible, believe me. It really did me good to read your post.

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Thank you so much for extending these thoughts here. I appreciate this, and I am sure she will appreciate this too, if she comes by to rea. I thank you for being open about your journey, too. I have autoimmune issues, too, and it might not be as severe as bone pain, but I understan the chronic nature of it. I’m happy you walked away from the other pain. I feel sometimes, physical pain is easier than emotional pain. The first one cripples you and can make you vulnerable to the former. It’s true, just when you think you’re over it, you drop back into the abyss. It’s a process of constant vigilance and of course, if we could hug ourselves for comfort, we wouldn’t need each other. I hope that you are surrounded by others who care for and support you. Warmest, SB.

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I had a break up and one of my exgf bff came over to console me. It was real and she was kind and I know that people do need people. In spite of gender differences and the occasions that we all hurt, that we are feeling, sentient people and we do need each other. Just get away from human anchors, who wish to drag you down and out. Now, I have called the suicide hotline more than once and that is a far better place to be than a headstone gathering moss or chipping away untended.

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I agree with the last sentiment… far better to call than to be not around. Thank you for sharing your personal experience. It’s good to hear from people who have been there and back. It feels like the end of the world and sometimes it is, but that’s just another reason to stay in the fight. I feel so much gratitude to you for sharing and I hope that you are surrounded by people who can learn from your strength and willingness to persist. Stay blessed.

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There is always a push and pull and it is unpredictable but you give yourself a chance if you find something routine and stick to it. I am 59 but I want a cut body. Not John Cena but well built. lol. I know silly but a goal and reason though my cats are therapeutic also.

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Your age has nothing to do with wanting that level of fitness and should never hold you back from going after what you want. I’m happy you have these goals as it’s too often we just give up an let go just because. People I find sink into these gloomy situations because they’re watching what’s going on around them far too much and not paying attention to what feels right for them. The despair comes sometimes when we try too hard to fit in with everyone else. Best wishes and I appreciate the visit.

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First off, let me say that it’s nice to see someone trying to do the right thing. When it come’s to suicide and depression, people usually either don’t know what to do or think that the suicidal person is faking it. You’re right that any threat of suicide needs to be noticed because even if it’s not “real”, it’s a cry for attention and alludes to a bigger problem. More important than the feel good statements (which can work on a short term timescale sometimes) is the knowledge that someone out there is listening. That’s better for the long term, well that and counseling.

As for ” I’m an advocate of feeling your feelings and allowing them to overwhelm you”, I think it’s less of “needing to be overwhelmed by your feelings” and more of needing to process your feelings. Becoming all consumed by your feelings, excessive rumination, is just as bad as shoving them into a corner and putting on a happy mask.

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Thanks for this insight. I agree that we nee to process feelings, however it’s important for us to know what we’re processing. Sometimes we think we’re sad when we’re depressed; angry when we’re just annoyed. I think that what I was trying to say is that we need to not be afraid of being overwhelmed by “feelings” but allow them to be. It’s important to first feel and then process, and then take further steps. Thank you.

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This kind of discussion of ending a life through suicide is really heart wrenching. Everyone last one of us has pain, we as humanity are not immune. It is what we do with the pain that matters most. Your post resonated because I am an artist and I have dealt with painful moments through painting. I have also cried during crucial moments while painting, bringing forth the vibrant hues which wake up my soul to live life to the fullest regardless of my life circumstance.

I am praying for our blogger friend, that she does not give up on herself. She has a beautiful soul, unique to her own, and a life worth living. I pray for an intervention and for God to show her that life is worth it despite the magnitude of pain she is suffering. May God bless her and show her the way to strength, courage, and hope. Amen.

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Barbara thank you, and my apologies for not seeing this sooner. I just want to state that the blogger is not a friend and that the “I want out” post was the first time I’d even seen her blog. So I didn’t intervene because I knew her, it was because she was a person who was using this medium to articulate her struggle. This is not the first person who’s done this on WordPress. The last time I happened to see a post like this, I immediately asked the blogger what she needed and we chatted until she said she was feeling better. I do not care if I know someone or not, I’m going to jump in if they write that and post it on their blog. That’s serious stuff and I will not look away.

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Thank you, SB and grateful you were able to help her through this overwhelming struggle. I am in gratitude to you for not looking away in kindness, compassion and genuine caring. I am praying for this person and hope she finds the strength to get past the pain. Thanks for not looking away.

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Thanks so much for this. Another reader went to her blog to reach out, and I think that it might have helped. I’m sure she’ll appreciate your warm words of support.

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I support her very much because of what I have been through in my own life experience. I want her to know that she is not alone, and that we as a community are reaching to her, lifting her up, and being there with her during a painful time in her life.

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Thank you, and everyone who’s reading will appreciate your sharing, as do I. Thank you for taking the time to say this because we need to know that we are all in this together. We can figure it out. Love, SB.

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I believe in making the world a greater place by sharing love, kindness and compassion to those who need it the most. Sometimes the ones who are in the greatest pain are ones who don’t speak up. I admire the courage of those who do speak up. Yes, we are all in this together and we much support each other in love, which I do. Love, BHB

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In my professional life, I see people who are suicidal almost daily. No- I see people make suicidal gestures or threats- and a few are actually serious. I agree.. it is hard to know how to respond. On one hand, they are obviously hurting or as you said- lacking coping skills. I loved your suggestion about being honest and saying “Look, I need some attention because I cannot cope.” There should be no shame in depression or other mental illnesses. They are diseases with treatment. Yes, you have to make the effort to heal- but, that is part of the human experience.

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This is so nice of you to say, and especially welcome from a professional. I take everyone seriously when they say that and jump on them. I want people to learn that it’s okay to not be happy all the time, and that when they feel something, there are alternatives to drugs and other destructive behaviour. Of course, having a good friend won’t always help but I find that it’s the most unexpected people who will surround you with the care and compassion you need. I appreciate your warmth and sincerity as usual.

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I really appreciate this post. I really do. This topic is kind of taboo. But you just bite right into it. Thank you.

I have never battled the conditions or circumstances that result in a desire to take my own life. However, I have seen those I love in the midst of this battle, up close and personal. And what that arm’s length view taught me is that for the one in the middle of the battle, there may be no other options. I think of it like watching a parade. If I am standing on the sidewalk watching the parade, I only see the parade participants that are right in front of me; the high school band fills my senses with bass drums and twirly flags. I can’t see the classic cars that are coming. I can no longer see the police on horseback that have already passed. However, if I am watching the parade from my 3 story apartment balcony, my view is much greater. I can see multiple parade participants at once. The sensory overload is not as great either from that height – I can hear the bass drum but it doesn’t make my chest pound. Go a little further – if I am in a helicopter flying high above the city I can see the entire parade, from the first participant to the last but I cannot hear any of it, or see any of the details.

Long analogy. But I guess what I am trying to say here is that those who are truly in the middle of battle (assign the name you want to battle; depressions, addiction, abusive relationship, etc) the view limited. You can only see what is right before you and the senses are overwhelmed by it. I have no solution for that. Other than to climb down from my balcony and stand beside them. “I will stand here with you. And remind you as I am able that the drums will pass.”

Again, thank you for this post.

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Thank you very much for this thought out and heartfelt comment. I am sad to hear about your personal proximity to this kind of situation and I truly feel out of my depth here because I feel that there is nothing I can do. Thank you for expressing these feelings in a way that I can visualise easily.

And that’s the key, really, to realise that we have a perspective and that, yes, offering that light to someone who can’t see past their pain is very important. The Presser of the blog post has “liked” my comment on her blog, and that means she’s still with us. I hope she reads your words and knows that we are thinking about her well being. I was a bit reluctant to leave my computer screen, and another blogger has tried to intervene, and he’s perhaps much better at this than I am. Thanks, Rusty.

I understood part of what that blogger was saying because I’m really too hard on myself. My other shortcoming is that I’m impatient. So the way I expressed myself to her is sort of how I would talk to me. Which is, it’s okay to be needy and ask for help. Not that I’m good at taking my own advice. Also, we hide too many things when we should just blurt them out and I think it would relieve a lot of stress if people could just huddle together, agree to be nice to each other, and just make it about the other person for that much time. Being lovey dovey for two minutes a day can really make a world of difference in someone’s life. I just appreciate your thoughts and emotional contribution to this situation.

(I am sure they will be as cleansing and as healing as red onion induced tears.)

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I’m so sad that hear that someone is planning to end her life. Despite how crappy our lives sometimes can get, suicide is definitely not the answer. I hope that she would be able to overcome whatever the problems she is facing right now.

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Thank you for your kind words. I’m hoping that she reads them and knows that she has support. I hope that you are well, happy and safe today, as well. Have a great weekend. Warmest, SB.

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I also came across a blogger who seemed ready to die. I’m not sure if it is an attempt to gain attention or not, but I would never ignore a statement like that. Just in case. Maybe they are out there all alone and the only connection they have with people is thorough their blog.
Anyways, SaBiscuit you are so right in that failure is part of being humans and it is by no means ever a reason to kill yourself. Nothing should be. And I’m glad you’re reminding everyone of that 🙂

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Thanks a lot and I’m hoping she reads your comment. Rusty has gone to pay her a visit and I’m just hoping she’ll feel less of a crisis. You make a good point. I’d rather she said this on her blog than bottle it up if that’s what she’s feeling.

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Am I the only one to come by? You did right Sa, We can’t feel their pain, but you are right. To do something stupid like offing yourself, or causing someone elst to do it for you is stupid. Too many ways to be healed. D’you want me to go over there? It’s especially difficult digitally, but, others do care. Thanks for being real Sabiscuit!

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