Categories
Earth

Darfurians

Shultz
… Nah, that’s alright. You drink?

St Lucas
Water, thanks.

Lilibeth
Scooch over. This dress is literally stifling me. Thank goodness I fit into a sample size. Not that a ten percent discount made a difference. I knew the feather train was a bad idea… Uhh… Hi. Whose car am I in?

Shultz
That’s a beautiful dress. Burberry.

Lilibeth
I’m concerned that you know this. Thank you. I’m concerned that you know this.

Shultz
Secret? My wife’s the new spokesmodel and she did a shoot for French Vogue in that dress.

Lilibeth
Your wife is a doll. Adorable. Unrealistically long legs. I literally worship her. She has replaced Victoria as Queen of the Galaxy. And, I find it ironic that Victoria designed this dress for Burberry that’ll crown your wife her successor.

Shultz
Thank you. Uhhhm… We haven’t been formally introduced.

St Lucas
This is Lilibeth Stefánsdóttir. She’s my…

Lilibeth
Head of his daughter’s charity organisation … for the … children … of Darfur. And other countries.

St Lucas
Yes, we’re … Yeah.

Shultz
Oh, I thought you two were…

Lilibeth
No. He’s not my type. I’m into married couples. Friday night Strip Minecraft? You two should join my spicy little group.

St Lucas
Lilibeth is here to ask… appeal. I mean, I’m here to appeal … Actually, why don’t I get my publicists on Skype? They’re better at this.

Shultz
Sure.

St Lucas
Marcus?

Marcus
Good afternoon and congratulations on another hit movie, Mr. Shultz.

Shultz
Thank you.

Marcus
This is Storm, my colleague. We’re working on a non profit project.

Lilibeth
For children in the Sudan. And other countries.

Storm
Yes, that’s… exactly. How do you do, Mr. Shultz? I’m such a big fan.

Shultz
I love your hair colour. It’s nice…

Storm
Thank you so much. Shall we get on with the presentation?

St Lucas
She’s shy.

Marcus
Let me start by saying that we are on an active campaign for the children of planet Earth. Our government has spent billions on failed missions to gather soil samples on Mars and haven’t disclosed to the public how these missions have any benefits for our planet’s future prosperity. We have social problems that would benefit from a fraction of that in social investments. We want to start a viral campaign. We will begin with an emotional appeal from a group of Japanese high school students who, last year, created a recycled gym wear collection drive for children in developing countries. The Japan Red Cross has cosponsored it. It hasn’t got worldwide publicity but it’s got lots of support in country. We would like you to push it into the stratosphere.

Shultz
I’m really disappointed I didn’t hear about this before. I visited Japan last month.

Storm
We have an affinity for non profit projects. Especially those created by ordinary people.

St Lucas
To get maximum support, we will piggyback off the publicity for my upcoming movie.

Shultz
You want to have people work hard for a real social cause while they’re waiting for the movie’s release.

St Lucas, Storm, Marcus, Lilibeth
Exactly!

Marcus
We want people to care for this as much as they care about the newest hit film. Donation wise, we want to present dollar amounts equivalent to items people buy regularly.

Storm
For example, you can donate a cookie, a sandwich, a donut, a cappuccino, or a hamburger and fries. We don’t leave the donation amounts open ended. That actually makes people less likely to choose to donate. We make it real. Tangible for them.

Shultz
I’m in, one hundred ten percent. What do you want me to do?

Marcus
Well, it’s very simple. We want a really unconventional campaign ad, so we would like to record your statement right now, in the car.

Shultz
Cool, I can do that. I’m all dressed up.

Storm
Thank you for cooperating. Speak a little louder than you feel comfortable doing, as we need to compensate for the sound editing later. Let’s record three times. Please lean forward. Just stare at the screen and read the text off it.

Shultz
Got it. Ready. Wait, I want to rehearse first. Can we do that? When does this ad get released?

Marcus
Ninety minutes. We upload it and through our contacts, who will hype it just as the images from tonight’s premiere are released. The morning shows will scramble to cover it.

Shultz
Okay, I like this better than mugging for the cameras. Are we ready to record?

Storm
Yes, we are.

Shultz
Lilibeth, can you count me down?

Lilibeth
With pleasure. Begin in five, four, three, two…

By ΠιCΘLΣ

Life is short, so let’s be decent.