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Lilibeth

St Lucas
Good evening, Miss…

Lilibeth
Do not be fooled by the Givenchy slip. I have two brains. I needed to get here in a hurry, because… I was … doing something.

St Lucas
I apologise. And I thank you for coming here at such short notice.

Lilibeth
One more thing. Call me Lilibeth, Beth, Li, Libeth, Lili, bitch, baby, honey, sweetie. Just don’t call me Miss. Sorry, sweetie.

St Lucas
Actually, Libeth, my daughter is the client. I’m just here for supervision.

Lilibeth
What’s the problem, sweetie?

Sami
Daddy?

St Lucas
It’s okay, honey.

Sami
My friend is lost. I think he wanted to surprise me for Valentine’s Day. His father is scared. We have to find him…we don’t know where he is.

Lilibeth
I feel like I’m missing something.

Sami
He’s from Mars.

Lilibeth
You mean Xenu.

St Lucas
She means Mars.

Lilibeth
Are you kidding? Is this some Scientology conversion field trip?

St Lucas
Contrary to rumours, I am…we are…Catholic.

Lilibeth
Fine, then this is some Hollywood film experiment. I hope I’m not being pranked because I don’t care how much you’re worth, I will destroy you for wasting my time.

St Lucas
No need. Honey, show Lilibeth your phone. It’s the text message transcripts.

Lilibeth
Lack of punctuation and a familiar oddness about the phrasing. It looks like her friend is a Scandinavian who used Google’s translation software patched with Siri to communicate. Which means, he’s human.

Sami
He said their language sounds like Icelandic.

Lilibeth
This is interesting. I am Icelandic. See why I have this conspiracy theory going around in my head?

St Lucas
She and her friend communicated through Siri for a few days last year. Then, he suddenly stopped talking to her. Shortly after that, his father FaceTimed several times over the last year to say he is on his way here … screen grab… which is how I got involved, and I can vouch for the veracity of this document, but I’m an actor and therefore ….

Lilibeth
Woah… Greys. There are quite a number of grey people in this screen grab. I mean, this is great CGI. I saw Avatar. It was … Meh! Nah… Baby girl, why are you crying?

St Lucas
Honey, sweetheart.

Lilibeth
Dude, that’s mean.

St Lucas
I beg your pardon.

Lilibeth
You fed your child crap about aliens from Mars and now she’s a mess. Let’s say that I believe that you believe this is true. How do you know it’s not a prank caller trying to extort you for money?

St Lucas
Alright. I spent the last year questioning my sanity. I had phones taken apart, hacked and traced at Yale University’s Computer Science Department. I was determined to find and destroy whoever was harassing my daughter. Okay, there is no source of data. These …people… beings… pop up in any device. I replace a phone, the new phone turns on, like it’s being accessed remotely, with the full message history of every mobile phone I’ve ever owned.

Lilibeth
Fix it, Yeezus.

St Lucas
Now, you tell me, which phone company on this planet offers that kind of service? I didn’t expect you to believe her, or me, but … You are the world’s best bounty hunter, with a one hundred percent success rate.

Lilibeth
This is true.

St Lucas
I just thought you’d have a clue as to where we could look. The boy is about my daughter’s age. He’s spent a year scared and alone in a damaged spaceship, he can’t call home. He can’t turn back. His father estimates that he has crash landed just today, somewhere here on Earth. Naturally, he is frantic. We don’t know how to look for him. I don’t have access to things. I can’t just go to the State Department.

Lilibeth
Did you try Google Earth?

Sami
Yes. Daddy and I looked everywhere.

Lilibeth
Ahhh! God, I can’t understand …what’s happening?

Sami
Please help me find my friend?

Lilibeth
Do you know why I’m the best at my job, sweetie?

Sami
Why’s that?

Lilibeth
I cheat. I know the answer to the question before someone asks me the question. Then I pretend I don’t know, and get lots of money when I, you know, reverse engineer my way to the …

St Lucas
Are you kidding me?

Lilibeth
Do not judge me, Planet Xenu.

St Lucas
That… How… ? I just said…

Lilibeth
You want me to believe that some Martian kid got lost on Earth, but you don’t accept that I can see beyond seeing.

St Lucas
I’m not making this up.

Lilibeth
I want to warn you about the consequences of lying to me. I will see the answer to your goddamn question.

St Lucas
I promise you.

Lilibeth
I find out this meeting is part of a hidden camera movie promotion zap mama, I’m coming to your office, with my team. I’ll smash shit.

St Lucas
I swear to you, I would never bring my daughter into this, if this were some joke.

Lilibeth
Alright, I’ll make you both a deal. If your friend exists, if he exists, I’ll find him for free because I do not charge children. You on the other hand, Xenu, set that overpriced timepiece. According to these messages, we have thirty-six hours before your stalkers do something big. I will get to the bottom of this il-nana, and if you’re responsible… I need your phone on at all times. I don’t care if you’re mid stroke, stop and pick up. Bye, sweetie.

Sami
Thank you, Libeth.

St Lucas
Thank you, Lilibeth.

Lilibeth
Fuck you, later.

By ΠιCΘLΣ

Life is short, so let’s be decent.

11 replies on “Lilibeth”

I followed down through this post in silence and wrapped admiration (bugger—I never could spell ‘rapt’, must look it up sometime). All became clear at the final entry, I was eavesdropping. Bad dog~!
Nice punchy finish, though.

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Thank you very much for reading. That’s exactly what another reader said. It was like being a fly on the wall. I’m glad you like Lilibeth. She’s so much fun to write.

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Hehehehehe 😀 am I hearing about “Mars” 😀 I sounds great, am somewhere in your writing too 🙂 About your post, its so nice, I love your style of placing the words in a manner as if they are speaking 🙂 Can’t wait to read, what happens next…please show some mercy, looking forward to hear more:)
Love and hugs 🙂 ❤

Liked by 1 person

Good, and thank you for the encouragement. I’m sure everyone is fascinated to see your Gravatar with “Mars” under the stories. I hope they will all come over to visit your blog and get to know you.

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