Cloud therapy

Lara
I feel so used, and just icky!!

Jupiter
What does that have to do with you?

Lara
I don’t understand.

Jupiter
What’s wrong with you.

Lara
Nothing. He flicked me away like I was something stuck to the bottom of his shoe. I’m out of ideas about how to prove myself to him.

Jupiter
What are you proving? Tissues.

Lara
Thanks. My value. My worth.

Jupiter
Alright. What if I said, objectively speaking, a man would be blind to not notice you?

Lara
That is my problem. I was rejected anyway.

Jupiter
Again. What’s wrong with you?

Lara
I’m the problem?

Jupiter
Yes, you are the problem. I would like you to take responsibility for the rejection you’re facing. Do not blame him. He is not wrong to be indifferent you.

Lara
This is hard. Isn’t he wrong to not acknowledge me as a sexual threat?

Jupiter
No.

Lara
I can’t do this right now.

Jupiter
Let’s work this out today. Let us work towards a consensus that you can lean on during the upcoming week. We will stamp it out in later sessions. Come on. Tell me what’s wrong with you.

Lara
I have jet black hair. It is really frizzy. Oh, God… I’m short. I’m … uhh… struggling to be at my ideal weight. I dress conservatively because of my job so I can’t look fuckable on a twenty four hour cycle!!!! I obsess about Karajan and I get a small panic attack if I have to pick things off the floor. I’m in my thirties. I have crooked teeth?

Jupiter
What does he want?

Lara
Blonde Kim Kardashian lookalike with blue eyes, spotless complexion that feels like marshmallow to the touch, early twenties with perfectly white teeth, D cup and a tiny waist. Her naturally blonde hair is very long, luscious, super soft and tossed dry, it’s perfection. She’s sweet, easily influenced, passive and not opinionated. She smokes, has a minimum wage job and dresses provocatively all day, every day. If I looked like that, he would be nice to me…

Jupiter
Leave him out of this.

Lara
I’m not effortlessly pretty. I work hard at looking like a woman. It’s time consuming, expensive and I need a team of friends to fix me. I overthink things, have too many hobbies and interests and I work hard to cultivate friendships. Being me is a full time job.

Jupiter
So you’re a short, fat, ugly nerd with a mind of your own and friends who look after you.

Lara
Yes.

Jupiter
Say it slowly.

Lara
I’m a short, fat, ugly nerd and I need friends who look after me.

Jupiter
Say it again. This time, take a deep breath and say it like it’s a compliment.

Lara
I’m a short, fat, ugly nerd and my friends are really nice to me.

Jupiter
Say it again. Transform into a vampire and stare me down.

Lara
I’m petite, I’m plain and I rock the androgynous look. I live in my head. I don’t have friends. I have minions. They worship and adore me.

Jupiter
Let’s put this last concept in our cloud. The concept that all this is part of your glorious being.

Lara
Okay. I hate that I’m not good enough…

Jupiter
Stop. It’s in our cloud. This upcoming week, voice record a journal. Make as many entries as you like. When you feel something, record it. Message all memos to me without editing. You will normcore it to work. Make minimum effort. Wear the same clothes every day if you like. Do not blow dry or iron your hair after a shampoo. Moisturising products only. Don’t wear makeup.

Lara
Alright.

Jupiter
Do not pay lip service to this. I need you to feel a freedom in being yourself. And you do that by embracing those things you say he’s rejected. You own them, you display them. Pay attention to your feelings and let’s get on this next session?

Lara
Thanks. I’m sorry, I just …