Midsection

This is a complaint, a reflection and rant at the same time. I sought to ease the text heavy tension by publishing a fashion focused post with a story. As it transpired over an eight hour period, the post got a small number of views. I was surprised in a pleasant way.

Earlier in the day, I’d noticed some immensely popular blogs on WordPress. For example, one was comprised of copied and pasted quotes from famous books as status updates. Shut the front door. Now, how do the seven thousand plus readers appreciating those quotations know that the quotes really came from those books? They could all be victims of a cruel fraud, don’t you think?

A very cute Barbie faced girl with large blue eyes caught my attention. I went to her blog. She is a photography student with eight thousand followers. She gets about one thousand new followers every month, but I am baffled by her content, beyond jumping GIFs celebrating her follower count and gossip about how her husband has abandoned her with their three children to go eat food from tins in Europe. 

Amused by this mysterious discovery, I thought I would look up “Why do people get lots of traffic when they don’t write anything interesting on their blogs” using Google, to see what would show up. I came across a website dedicated to luring readers who want to increase their viewership. The author answered the above question in every post: “I have no bleeding idea.” The blog author also said that I was writing what I wanted, was not trading enough sexual favours, published every day, was new to blogging and that I was a pathetic ninety nine percenter who was not genetically blessed with the “Like” “Comment” or “Follow” gene. The comment I left on his blog is obscene and unprofessional. I may release the screengrab at a later date. 

Another blog was a literal shrine to someone whose content was “stupid things I wanna stick on this page.” I have no quarrel with that. However, here’s what I have to say about advertising yourself as having a fucking awesome day job, in order to win attention. If in your free time you have nothing to do but put shit on your blog, then I really can’t with you. If you are a force to be reckoned with at a desk job you should not be able to shut it off.

While one of this feed’s followers is appeasing the Job Gods, there is a worshipped magazine editor who is literally sitting there in her office sticking swizzlesticks photos on her front page. While she does that, she mines data and ideas from bloggers with oomph from around WordPress. I’m calling out professional resume readers headhunters too. Shame on you! Go work at your local animal shelter or at the Salvation Army. Get a meaningful job and don’t profit off others’ suffering. Ladies and gentlemen, this is the world we live in. There is a lifestyle magazine editor who has no decorum, no style, is colour blind, has no sense of balance or proportion, and has a content free mindscape. I believe that she follows content rich blogs to trap authors into begging her for breadcrumbs. These may include features in her magazine. All that while, they will post quality content on their blogs to impress her. That mediocre zap mama’s one reason why I created this installation.

People have to be smart enough to know that what they’re looking at is junk. So, going back to my original questions, I believe they are just using the space to take advantage of what that space can offer them: Visibility and a foot in another blogger’s front door. Carry on!

I am reminded of the time I published the post about the famous anti brunch food editor, who knows fuckall about how to dine. I had to write something about his barbaric behaviour. Imagine I had to spend my Saturday lunches and Sunday dinners, as a child, being corrected on the use of silverware or delicately handling heavy crystal goblets. Is it any wonder why I am OCD right now?!!!!

When I reached adulthood, I was disappointed to learn that most of the people in my peer group have never written thank you notes or used a fountain pen, do not know the smell of silver polish, how to dress for an evening out, nor care that you must handle the chicken drumstick and not cut into it.

The experimental post was a reaction to my notions about fellow Pressers and Gravatourists who I believed would jump on any bandwagon and not think deeply about what’s in front of them. If that post had got too many views, I would have been livid.

Instead, I ended up collecting another handful of conservative Christian followers. I don’t know why they love me so, I literally don’t, but I thank them all very much for their kindness.

xoxo Sabiscuit